Deep Breaths
by tj0241
Summary: AU MA Things said in the heat of the moment, ruined his chance with his love. 5 years later, Logan is still mourning his loss. While at an art exhibit, Logan sees a puzzle of pictures of familiar eyes and lips formed in a familiar smirk. ROGAN
1. Chapter 1

This is my response to ReeJ "I will survive" Challenge on Illusive. Kind of. I was intrigued with the prompts and thought I'd give it a try.

_AU 5 years after he spiels some harsh words towards his love, while at an art exhibit, Logan sees a puzzle pictures of familiar eyes and lips formed in a familiar smirk. Will this chance give him the chance to right his wrongs? Or will it be too late? _

I'm rating it MA just in case. I curse. A lot. So if words that rhyme with duck and such offend you I'm sorry, but I gave you far warning.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gilmore Girls. But oh so wish they'd come back!

* * *

"Sorry I'm late," I say slipping into the open space at the bar between my two best friends. I grab the attention of the nearest bartender and ask for three fingers of scotch neat and slip him a hundred to make sure that fucker keeps them coming. After the day I've had I need something to take the edge off.

The lights dim and the gallery quiet. I lean over and whisper into Colin's ear "Explain to me why we had to come to Brooklyn for some art show. Couldn't Finn have found something for the bar in the city?" Colin cocked his eyebrow and simply said "Its Finn". I give a light chuckle and short nod.

"True, True. I'm out of it, I should have known better."

"Rough day?"

Now it was my turn to cock my eyebrow at him, "I work with Mitch-"

"Would you two arses, shut the fuck up. I'm trying to listen to the lovely Sheila. So shush."

I look at the girl standing in the center of the room, welcoming everyone, inviting them to drink, eat, enjoy the arts and buy any and everything they like. Everyone laughs and the lights brighten. I tilt my head to the side and do a once over of the short petite Asian woman bouncing from patron to patron kissing cheeks, saying hello. She looks so familiar to me but I can't place her. I don't think I've fucked her before. She doesn't look THAT quite familiar to me.

I hear a laugh to my right and a feel a hand clap on my shoulder. "Mate, are you trying to figure out if she's been one of your bed bunnies?"

Picking up my drink and shaking my head, I head off to start looking at the displays. Maybe I'll buy something for my apartment. "Nah, I know she hasn't." I reply "But I am trying to figure out where I know her from. Is this part of the exhibit?"

"Uumm, no, I think it's just a water cooler. Maybe you guys did a piece on her" Colin offered.

"Eehh maybe, but I feel like I met her somewhere before. You're probably right though I'm sure we probably did an expose on her."

"Oh!" Finn exclaims "I know! She went to Yale, maybe you saw her there."

"Yale?, hmmm maybe. Wait, how do YOU know she went to Yale?" I quirk an eyebrow at Finn, he went through our college years in a drunken stupor I'm surprised he remembered himself let alone other people.

"Eh fuck you man, I remember Yale!" He gives me a quick shove but he has a smile on his face so I know he's not offended. "Anyways, her stuff is the reason I wanted to come here. I read on last week's YDN that she is showing a lot of photographs of Yale and even one of the Rich Man Shoe!" He says excitedly. Finn is opening a bar in the Lower East Side and fashioning it after our favorite college haunt. "So what better piece in the new bar than THAT."

"You were reading the Yale Daily?" Colin says, lips pursed and I know he's trying to suppress a laugh. I'm not so successful and a loud guffaw escapes "oh fuck you lot, I'm an alumnus of course I get it and on occasion I read it." We all exchange looks and double over in laughter. It feels good to laugh.

After we recover we continue our perusal and look around the gallery. It had an airy and open set-up, but the collections were separated by partitions. It was a nice big place and very modern.

We walked around looking through all the collections and occasionally I would hear giggling and pitter patter running through the open spaces in the separators. "Who the fuck brings their kids to an art exhibit?" Colin hisses. I just roll my eyes at him and ignore the all too familiar pang in my chest I get from seeing or hearing kids. Not tonight Logan, not here. In. Out. Deep breath. Drink of scotch. Ahh avoided.

"Let's go." Finn directs us towards the biggest, section of the gallery. I looked around in awe at the size of some of the photos. "This is the one I came here for."

"Give a holler if you come across any pictures of the Rich Man, yeah?" Finn says over his shoulder walking away from Colin and me. Colin shrugs and walks over to some photos that other people were gathered around. I, on the other hand, just walk around in silence for a bit.

There were pictures of Yale's historical landmarks that I've walked by a million times and even some new landmarks that must have been recently built, like what looks like an Astronomy building. There were also photos of a toe of a statue, handsome Dan, a coffee cart...Coffee. Ace, Ror-. Fuck. Not tonight Logan, not here. In. Out. Deep breath. Gulp of scotch.

I walk further and see some pictures it's a series of silhouettes, three women hugging, a pregnant woman, a woman holding hands with a child and a couple in a lip-lock. I didn't know much about art, but I knew these were beautiful and it makes my chest tighten, and throat go dry.

In. Out. Deep breaths. Fuck no more scotch.

Look around quickly for Colin and Finn; I need to get out of here. I see them just a couple steps away staring in what I can only describe as awe at a set of pictures. Walking closer I notice they are close ups. "Guys, I need to get the fu," I stop mid sentence and stare at what seems to be a puzzle of eyes and lips along with cheeks and hair. The eyes were what stopped me. They were of the most magnificent, bluest eyes, that I've only seen belong to two women. The blonde hair of the subject looked chaotic but soft. And the lips, the lips were formed in a familiar smirk that screams "I'm up to no good." I know that smirk, I wear that smirk.

No, no, no, can it be?

I was pulled away from my thoughts by a tugging on my pants and look down. The eyes from the picture were looking back at me and the lips that I knew were formed into wide smile.

I think I might have heard a gasp from Colin and Finn but I'm not entirely sure, I'm more worried about the little boy bouncing up and down and that the fact oxygen is not entering my body right about the fuck now.

"That's me! my aunt Liv took it. Grandma says I'm super cool now. But I told her I was already cool! Don't you think I'm cool?" He rambles excitedly while pointing to the picture we're standing in front of.

In. Out. Deeeeppp Breath.

When I don't respond, he cocks his head to the side and frowns. I gesture I've seen before so many times.

In. Out. Deeeeppp Breath.

My knees buckle no longer able to hold me up and I kneel down in front of him.

He steps back, probably out of caution. I'm not surprised because seriously I'd be cautious of a weirdo man drop to his knees in front of me too. I open my mouth to say something, but stop as I hear a woman call out.

"Landon, there you are, your mom's on her wa-" I snap my head to the right and my eyes fall on a wide eyed tall brunette I haven't seen in ages. "Holy fucking shit," I hear her mumble.

"OOOO Aunt Luc," the little boy bounds over to Lucy, with an out stretch hand. "You owe me three dollars for that one."

"Hhmm yeah Landon, come on we'll get it from Uncle Robert," she says pulling the boy out of the room.

Still kneeling and staring at the spot they were just standing in, my mind drifts to a conversation I had five years ago.

_"Are you fucking serious? I can't fucking do this, I'm not ready for this." I yell into my phone. I hear a sob, that makes my heart clench but it doesn't weaken my anger, it for some reason intensifies it. "But, bu-" I cut her off. "Do you realize how much money I just fucking lost? A lot. A whole fucking lot. I can't fucking do this right now. Are you sure? Is it even mine?"_

I feel a hand on my shoulder, "Hey man you okay?" I shake my head to clear my head and look up to the concern looks of my two best friends. Don't go there Logan. Not here, not now.

"Yeah, yeah. Uuummm I need...I'm gonna...yeah go...you know get out of here" I stammer out. "Yeah man let's go." I hear Colin say, as Colin and Finn fall into step with me and we head towards the nearest exit.

As I breathe in some much needed fresh air, I hear a little voice squeal "MOMMMYY," as the little boy, Landon, launches himself into the back of awaiting tainted Suburban. Lucy and a man, is standing on the sidewalk and waving as the SUV pulls away from the curb.

I watch the SUV until it turns the corner. When I look ahead of me I come face to face with Lucy and Robert. Robert? Seriously?

What. The. Fuck.

* * *

I got the idea of the art show discovery from a Twilight fanfiction I read. This is my first go at writing. It's a slow start but I have everything planned out. I'm a ROGAN Lover all the way, no worries.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **Hi Guys! I'm so excited people are actually reading this or even just clicking on it. LOL I'm on the fence about the summary(FF only gives you 255 characters to write in that sucker!) Anyhoooo it has surprised the shizz out of me. So thank you!

Please remember this is AU and OOC. I love Logan, but I don't really know what went on in that pretty little head.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Gilmore Girls.

_I found some things. I'll come by your apartment 8. Cool?  
_As soon as I received Mike's text my mind has been all over the place. Fuck that, if I was being honest, my mind has been going crazy for the past thirty-six hours since _IT_ all went down. That's what I've dub the whole night,"_IT"_.  
_IT_ will be the night that will forever change my life.  
_IT_ has me thinking about the past, of her, of us, the future...or what I hope will be our future.

Through it all I'm trying to keep my shit together for the outside world. But my nerves are shot. I know people can tell I am little off, but hopefully it's not enough to cause alarm. The last thing I need is my father on my ass cause I'm not getting shit done.

Fuck. I swear the nagging pain has intensified. The pain I usually can handle, but combine that with my thoughts and the nerves, I've been a mess. I've been throwing myself into work, ignoring all non work related calls, texts, e-mails, BBMs, and Skype calls. Colin and Finn have been relentless. But I couldn't talk to them, not yet. I know if I open up the communication to them they would try to make me talk. They'd want to know what exactly went down the other night or what I thought or analyze it down to last detail.  
Fuck, I swear they were just as bad as Honor.  
But fuck that, I'm not ready. I need to work this shit out on my own first. I need to see what Mike found. God, I hope it's good

At 7:40 after a day of dumb meetings, talking about dumb shit, looking over even dumber shit, I make my way home.  
Well not really home Logan, it's never felt like home.  
Whatever. Argh. Not now. Deep breath.

* * *

Standing in front of the entrance, Colin, Finn and I just stare at Robert as he pushed past us holding an arm protectively around Lucy. He offer us curt nods in greeting and Lucy directs a little wave my way but they don't stop to talk, they just walk right back into the Gallery.

"What the fuck was that?"  
"Damn mates, since when did Robert get girls?"  
Colin and Finn exclaimed at the same time. Both are staring at me with curious and expectant looks on their faces like I knew what the fuck was going on.

I took a deep breath, shrug my shoulders and walked to the street to hail a cab. "I don't fucking know, but I need to get the fuck home." I say over my shoulder to them. They were both still standing by the door staring at me. As a cab pulls to the curb, I turn to my friends "are you fuckers coming or are you going to take the train back into the city?" Their eyes pop wide open and they hop in the cab as fast they could go. I get in behind them chuckling and rolling my eyes. Of course not. No slumming it in the subway for them I guess.

After giving the cabbie the address to my apartment, I lean my head back on the head rest and close my eyes. My mind going a million miles a minute. I can hear Colin and Finn whispering to each other but I don't bother to ask or even try to engage them. I need to figure this shit out on my own first.

I know it was her in that car, I just know it, I could fucking feel it. The feeling of when she's close by. It was a relief and a shock to my body and mind, it's been so long. I've being craving that feeling, longing for it-. Argh, Logan stop it. Not down THAT road. Deep breath.

My mind switches to the little blond hair, blue eyed, bouncy boy. Landon. I gotta say he is freaking adorable. But of course she'd have an adorable kid, she's beautiful. Fuck. Stop. Not there either. Deep Breath.

Was that-? Fuck. Did that mean she didn't...? Fuck. Thank god, she didn't- Fucking shit fuck. What the fuck is the matter with you? NNOO! Stop! Deep breath.

Okay, when I get to the apartment, I have to call Mike and have him look into the license plate. Thank fucking god I have good memory. Maybe he can get a lead from there. Maybe the car service company will tell him who ordered the car.

God I hope so, I've spent the past five years looking for her and waiting, praying for her to come back but nothing. After waiting and my own attempts to find her failed I hired Mike, a retired NYPD detective turned private investigator. He came highly recommended, had a ton of connects and was very persuasive but nothing. He went to Paris, Doyle, Lane, the Yale administrators, but nothing. He went to that badonk town of hers but only got the cold shoulder, lies or when he went into the Diner he got thrown right out on his ass, literally. No one would give up anything or they couldn't get access to the information we needed. No one would take the bribes or the records were sealed tight. We kept our eyes and ears open to all facets gossip and news to any and everything on her, her mother, or even just the elder Gilmore's but nothing.  
Nothing for fucking five years.  
Not until now.

And of course it had to be an overly dramatic affair.  
No, we couldn't run into each other at the grocery store or a restaurant, like normal people.  
No of course not. Fuck.

Why the fuck didn't I think of Lucy? I thought they had a falling out after the bullshit with Marty?  
And seriously Robert? Uncle Robert? What the fuck was up with that bullshit? FUCK!

* * *

"Good Evening, Mr. Logan," I look up to the smiling face of my doorman, Jules. "Hey Jules, how's it going?" I say, with a slight smile, even in my fuckery I can't help it; Jules was one of the happiest and nicest man I've ever met. "It's going good sir, its promises to be a gorgeous night, it might even snow!" His smile falls, I assume cause mine did first. Snow always reminded me of HER. Fuck. I need a drink. "Um, yeah snow. Well good night Jules." I hop onto the elevator not bothering to wait for a reply, I feel even more like a douche cause I hear him yell something to me through the closing door. But I quickly brush it off. I have too much other shit to worry about.

As the elevator goes up to my floor, I close my eyes and send a silent prayer that whatever Mike found is good.

Please god, let it be good.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** GG is not mine, it's CW. I'm just enjoying fucking around with it…

* * *

Stepping off the elevator I hear voices come from my apartment. Seriously? Didn't they get the hint that I didn't want to talk to them? I look at my watch. Fuck it was already 8 o'clock. I need to get them out of here before Mike gets here.  
I swing the door of my apartment so hard it slammed open.  
"How the fuck did you get in here?"  
Gathered in my living room was my sister's husband, Josh, Steph, Rose, and Colin. All of their heads snap in my direction, eyes wide, mouth gaping surprised I'm sure at my sudden appearance.  
What the fuck was there to be surprised about? This was MY fucking place!  
"Oh relax litter brother," I hear Honor say, "I used my key." I turn to see her walking out of the kitchen with Finn and a tall and bulky man, in his mid-fifties trailing behind her carrying trays with drinks.  
Fuck. I wanted to get them out of here before Mike came. UGH. "I gave you those in case of emergencies, Honor." I say exasperated and with an eye roll.  
"But this is an emergency mate, no one's heard from you since the other night."  
"Yeah, there was a reason for that." I mutter under my breath.

I notice movement to my left, Mike has put down the tray on the coffee table and making his way towards me with an out stretched hand. "Hey man, I can come back later or we can meet-"  
"No, no I can't wait," I say cutting him off, cause I can't. He knows that.

"Logan, who is this guy?"  
"Yeah mate, he says he's a cop or was. Are you in trouble?"

I look around at my friends and sister and by the look on their faces I know they won't give this up. Bah, fine. _Might as well just have them hear too Logan, then you won't have to repeat shit. _UGGH. Fuck. Fine.

I take a seat and motion for Mike to take one as well. He gives me a curious look, "hm, you don't want to do this more privately, like um maybe in your office," he says taking a seat across from me on the couch next to Steph and Colin.  
"No, they might as well hear it to, saves me from having to repeat it." I respond.

"Look. This is Mike," I say waving my hand in Mike's direction. I notice everyone opening their mouths, but I put up my hand to cut them off, "he _WAS_ a cop, now he's a PI." Deep breath. "He's been helping me out." I pause take another deep breath, I wasn't trying to be dramatic. I just knew it would be hard for me to say her name. Fuck, just get it over with! "I hired him to help me try to find Rory." Phew. I finally it got out. See, not too bad.  
I hear several gasps and expletives but press on. "He's going to give me some information he found, I need to hear this shit. I'll fill in what I can but not till after he's done. Not before and not during. Got it? So no questions, no commentary and no bullshit." I say giving them each a pointed look. "If you can't do that you need to get the fuck out now. Cause this is important. I need to hear this. Now." I look each one of them in the eye and no one makes a move to get up, so I guess they wanted to hear too. Of course Finn had to add an extra flair and made a motion of locking his mouth shut and throwing away the key. I chuckle softly and give Finn a small smile in thanks. I know he's just trying to lighten the mood. Good ol' Finn.

"Okay, go ahead. Lay it on me." I say to Mike. After three years of dead end after dead end he is still willing to help me out. He is almost as invested in finding her as I am. Obviously for different reason. Our friendship, his stubbornness and his pride, are what keeps him going. And I'll take it, because it's the best help I could ask or pay for.

Mike shifts uncomfortably in his seat and clears his throat. He pulls out a stack of folders and a notebook from his messenger bag. He looks over at me, arching an eyebrow, silently asking me if I was ready. I give him a nod in response and he opens the top folder and starts "Hm, okay I'm going to plow right this. The license plate was a fucking god send. Now I can really show you what the fuck you pay for..." he says almost giddy.  
"Okay, so I had my connect run the license plate. The Suburban is registered to Hayden Enterprise. It's the parent company for Hayden Technologies and Hayden Law Firm"  
All at once I hear gasps and repeats of the company's name.  
Hayden? He told me he didn't have any contact with her. He fucking lied!  
_Of course he did asshole! That's his daughter.  
_Fuck. Wait. Hayden Law Firm? Like Straub Hayden, Hayden?  
I rub my temples. Fuck. I feel a headache coming on. Fuck. Deep breath, Logan!  
"Hm so I'm guessing you didn't know she was related to Straub Hayden?" Mike asks, giving me a pointed look. I didn't realize I spoke my thoughts out loud. Fuck. Mike was always adamant about checking out Christopher but I never gave him his name. But Chris said that after the divorce he just wanted to distance himself from the Gilmore's and try to move on. Fuck. And the dumbass, I am I respected his wishes. Fucking A. UGGH. "No, no," I respond shaking my head vigorously. "No, not that kind of Hayden. I mean fuck, it was a sensitive topic. She said she only seen her paternal grandparents twice in her life. And her father had a falling out with them when Lorelai got pregnant with her and then Chris took off and he wasn't close with them either." Oh, fuck. "She did mention that one of those times she seen them was at the funeral of her grandfather. Fuck. Strobe Hayden was her grandfather wasn't he?" I ask Mike and he simply nods his head. Fuck. I should have known that. Why the fuck didn't I know that?

"Ahem, hm I know a guy, who owed me a huge favor, like kill for you kind of favor," Mike continues "anyway, hm yeah, so I had him get as much as he can on the car, the driver, who was driven other night and whatever else he could get." He pauses and takes a sip of his drink and winces.  
Guess Honor didn't serve us tea, huh. I'm definitely going need something strong too. I get up and walk to the bar. As I'm about to pour some Macallan into a glass I change my mind and opt to drink it straight from the bottle. I hear an "ew" but ignore it. What-the-fuck-ever. It's MY house and I know it's going to be rough night. Taking my previous seat and I motion for Mike to continue.  
"Hm, yeah so I meet up with him yesterday afternoon. He said he found out who the driver. The guy, William Dates, has been with the Hayden's for a decade. He couldn't get much from him, said he was pretty tight lipped. The guy did give him a warning to not to get too curious if he valued his job." He takes a deep breath opening his notebook. Mike reminded me of Rory. He is as meticulous about his work as she is, slightly OCD-ish.

"Hm, anyway he asked around and found out she rarely comes to the States and-" but he is cut off by Rose "wait, come to the States? I'm confused." I shoot her a glare and I open my mouth to yell at her for interrupting like I specifically said not to, but Mike interjects. "Hm, apparently she no longer lives in the United States," he says softly. My fucking eyes and mouth open and close. I'm sure I'm doing a great impression of a Billy Bass right now, and not in a cheery kind of way.

"Leigh or LL as she is known as now," he says.  
"Like LL Cool J? The rapper?" Finn blurts out. Breaking out into hysterics, guffawing, slapping his thighs, I think heard him saying something that sounded like "Only reporter girl," in between his laughs.

UGGH. Seriously I'm going to kick everyone out if they don't stop interrupting.  
"She lives in London now." Mike presses on. And Finn immediately stops laughing.

No fucking wonder we couldn't find her! She hasn't been in the fucking country!  
Oh god, this is too much. I lean back in my seat and close my eyes, trying to calm my breathing. Deep Breathes. In. Out. In. Out.

"Logan," I pop open one I eye to look at Mike, "do you want me to stop, give you a sec to digest it all. Cause if you're like this know I don't know how you're going to handle the rest..." He trails off, concern written all over his face. Fuck. In. Out. Deep Breath. "No, I'm good. Go ahead, continue."  
"Ya sure?" Mike asks.  
"Little brother, come on maybe we should stop."  
"I said I was fucking good!" I yell out. Everyone flinching at the volume of my voice. "Fuck, sorry. No, no I'm good. I need to hear this. I've been waiting five years for something Honor, anything" I say pleading with her. She stares at me for a moment, then nods her head and leans into Josh.

"Okay, so my guy at Hayden said he couldn't get into her personnel files obviously, but through the grapevine he found out that she was nice but stern and everyone is intimated by her."  
Everyone scoffs at that cause the Rory we knew wouldn't hurt a fly. She had a funeral for a neighbor's cat once for fucksakes.  
"Hm, he said its cause not only is she obviously Hayden, and hm young and hm beautiful," I growl but Mike ignores it and continues, "Apparently she sits on the Board of Hayden Enterprise and is a Partner."

"Excuse me, but a partner? In the firm? As in a Partner level? A lawyer?" Colin asks, this time I don't mind the interruption, cause it's the same question I was going to ask.  
"Hm yeah," He flips through his notebook, "Yes, since January."  
We all just stare at him mouth gaping open. A lawyer? What happened to writing? To being the next Christiane Amanpour?  
"What?" Mike asks, I'm sure wondering why we all are staring at him like he had two heads. He rifles throw his notebook, finding the page he was looking for and continues "she hm graduated from Oxford with a Master's in Law and Finance, but she hm was working for Hayden Enterprise and Law well before her graduation, she actually started there the Summer of O Seven."  
What. The. Fuck. Who was this girl? A lawyer? I didn't even think she knew lawyers until the Great Yacht Hijack of 2006, and needed one. What. The. Fuck?

"Hmm, so yeah I called an old acquaintance who now works for the Ministry of Defence Police. He knew of her. He-" he cuts himself off and quickly reassures me, "Oh no! Not like that, she's not in trouble or anything. Hm, he actually just so happens to date a columnist for the Financial Times."  
"A columnists? But I had everyone on alert for all media wi-"  
"Hhmm yeah, but you were looking for Loreali or Rory Gilmore." Fuck! Right, she was going by another name.  
"Hhhmmm, anyways, hm Rory was apparently briefly romantically linked to Prince Harry." he said the last part quickly but I swear I heard him say something about a prince and romantic.  
By the round of gasps, "oh shits" and "oh my gods", I guess everyone else heard. "Mike, can you repeat that? Cause I swear I just heard you just say she was involved with a fucking Prince!" I try to ask calmly but I know I failed when I heard the edge in my voice.  
Mike sighs and takes the largest folder from the stack opening it up "hm, yeah in 2009, Rory and Prince Harry were seen together in public a couple of times. There were a lot of speculations of who she was. At that time, my contact's girlfriend, Jane, was a gossip columnist for the Daily Mirror. She figured out who Rory was and was able to find all of this," holding up the folder "but then Harry was spotted with a Chelsy Davy at a rugby match so Rory was forgotten, but thankfully Jane is pack rat and keeps all of her notes."  
Fuck, a prince? She fucking might have dated a Prince? What. The. Fuck! And what about Landon? Where was HE when SHE was off gallivanting with motherfucking Royals!  
_You really don't have the right to question that dick! Since you told her to-  
_UGGH! Fuck, I know.

"Ahem, hhmm yeah so in hm Jane's research she found out that Loreali Alice Gilmore, who was Rory's great-grandmother, was born in England and lived there for the last twenty years of her life. She was very close with Prince Philip. Jane thinks this is how she might have met Harry but hm Jane didn't get that far in her research."  
What. The. Fuck. Seriously, I don't know who the fuck this person was but she is not my Ace.  
_Uh yeah dude she isn't YOUR Ace either.  
_What-the-fuck-ever. Semantics.

"Yeahh so Rory must have arrived in London in the summer of O Seven. Jane's source that recognized Rory was actually a flatmate of Jane's who and was also a TA for one of Rory's classes. She started in Oxford the October of that year and attended college all throughout her pregnancy even till her ninth mon-"  
"Wait the fuck up! Rory was pregnant? In 2007?" Steph shrieks. I hear a gasp come from my sister and Rose. Fuck. I guess Colin and Finn didn't tell them about the show. FFUCK. I turn to girls and give them each a pleading look, silently asking them to wait, just a little while longer. They huff and cross their arm across their chest, but stay silent. Fuck, I haven't even thought about what the fuck I was going to tell them! Oh shit! They're going to beat the shit out of me when I have to tell them my part of the story. Oh shit, deep breath, I can't worry about that now. I deserve it anyways. _Yeah, you were a dick._ I know.

"Ahem, so Rory had a son, Landon..." he drifted off and raised an eyebrow to me in question, silently asking if I was ready to hear this, to find out about him, my son.

Mike was the only person I ever told what I had asked of Rory.  
_No that's putting it nicely douche_.  
Okay I demanded it; yeah I was an asshole, happy?  
I confessed it to him one night after a night of drunken debauchery after being so close to finding out what happened to her after she graduated. He found a guy who worked in the Registrar office at Yale who was able to tell us that her transcripts were requested to be sent somewhere. The _where_ we never found out, the poor guy got fired that afternoon for misuse of his position and violating a student's privacy. I gave the guy job at HPG, it was the least I could do.  
After punching me in the face, throwing me a few well deserved insults and not talking to me for a week, Mike resolved that he would find her, if it was the last thing he did. He said the reason wanted to do it so I can grovel at her feet and beg her for forgiveness AND to give her the chance to junk punch me. How swell, such a pal that Mike.

I take a deep breath and I nod my head for him to continue. I scan the faces of my sister and friends all with different ranges of confusion, curiosity and hope running through them. I know they wanted to know where she was as well; they lost her to, a friend, a little sister, a person they loved. At this moment I realized that she not only disappeared from my life but theirs as well. I took her away from them also. I pushed her away from them.

I hear Mike clear his throat trying to get my attention. Fuck, he's probably annoyed that was like the twentieth time he had to do that. Fuck it. I give him a sheepish smile and he continues. "So, um Landon Eli Hayden," he clears his throat again and he shifts in his seat uncomfortably. I'm sure this was hard for him to tell me this, like this, for me to have to learn about my son through facts and not first hand experience.  
Fuck. Deep. Breath.  
"Um, he was born on December fourteen 2007 at Saint Thomas Hospital, hm he was eight pounds, eleven ounces. He was twenty-one inches long, apparently already had a head full of hair when he came out. According to a nurse Jane spoke to, he already had all the ladies swooning over his blonde hair and blue eyes." Mike says with a smile but it falls when Honor let's out a strangled sob and rushes out of the room.  
Fuck. I take a deep pull from the bottle and slump back onto the couch, trying to hold in my tears. Fuck. I missed so much. My son.  
Deep. Breaths. In. Out.  
I feel a tear slip out, but I quickly wipe it away.  
"Ahem, there was no official announcement made. And Jane tried to get a look at his records at the hospital and even just a birth certificate at General Register Office, but didn't have any real luck. Then the next day Harry was seen with Ms. Davy so she moved on..." I felt Mike observing me, assessing my feelings and reaction.  
I feel a course of emotions run through, disappointment, confusion, and pride but as I processed his words I ended up getting pissed. The first  
real lead and this is all? What the fuck? It's like she was in some highly classified secret services operations. _Don't be greedy Logan. This is a million times more than you new about her a couple of days go. And now you know about Landon.  
_Fuck you! Ugh, my inner voice was really starting to get on my nerves_._

"What the fuck? Is her family the mob!" Colin exclaimed, mimicking my thoughts aloud. "Nah mate, if they were the mob they'd be swimming with the fishes." Finn says snickering. Causing all of us to erupt in laughter cutting the tension, just a little. Leave it to Finn.  
"No no organized crime familial relations but they might as well be," Mike says over our laughs, we're all stunned to silence.  
"I don't get it...What? Why?" Rose asks Mike but it was Josh who answered. "The Hayden Firm has been around for almost a century, they are still one of the most powerful and successful law firms in the country, well the world really. You can imagine in the hundred years they've probably represented some influential and powerful people, they have lots of connections. A lot." Josh worked as an associate for Hayden almost five years, starting his career as a Summer Associate and loved it there. It was his dream job. It crushed him when one day he was called into a meeting, let go and asked to vacate the premise immediately. According to Honor if Colin's dad hadn't come through and hired him that same day he would have been a wreck. Thank god for small miracles.

Wait. No way.  
He was let go about five years ago.  
Fuck.  
No way, they couldn't.  
She wouldn't.  
_Well I thought we already established you don't know her anymore!_ Fuck!

"Hhmm Logan? Do you want to stop? It's getting late."  
I open my mouth to respond but was cut off by Honor, "No! I want to hear more about Landon," she demands.  
"Hm, okay," Mike concedes immediately. Smart man. He may be huge and use to be a cop, but he knows not to mess with angry just recently cried women. "Hmm yeah, so the boy, Landon. Jane's research doesn't really say too much since she didn't stay on it too long. But she's did say she come across Rory every once in while and heard through the gossip mill that Landon is apparently very bright for his age, he attends Saint Paul' School for Boys, where he's apparently already excelling. He's people are saying he will be quite a looker when he's older. There already a line of suitors for him. The only bad thing I guess is he apparently is a little mischievous as well. At a function at The Hayden's was hosting, Landon and two friends apparently somehow pants one of the party-goers."  
"Ha Mate, guess your hair isn't the only thing you passed along to the kid." Finn exclaims excitedly.  
We all break out in another round of laughter.

"So yeah, that's really it. Look man, it's getting late. I'll leave these folders here so you can take a look at them. There's some picture. Hm contact info" I look at the clock and note its past eleven o'clock.  
Damn, we've been talking for more than three hours. "Yeah, man it's late," I say getting up to walk him out, "thanks for everything, man. This has been..." I trail off not knowing how into words the mix of relief, sorrow, elation, and shit load of other shit I was feeling.  
"Nah man, my pleasure, you know I've been dying to figure this shit out, I'll walk himself out." he says while putting on his coat and bag walking towards the door.  
"Logan," Mike calls out, pausing at the doorway, "look, hey apparently the whole clan is here for a foundation dinner the company is having on Saturday night at The Foundry. I suggest you a find way to be there. I'll see ya soon."

* * *

**AN:** Phew! And end scene! I'm sure you're wondering where the fuck is the convo with everyone, or maybe not, but this is already a monstrosity sooooo I'm breaking it up. I didn't want to OD on the info and lose ya.

On another note I'm not a lawyer or British so I don't know what it takes to become one in the UK. So sorry if I butchered anything, I tried to keep it as close to what's what as best as I could. But it's a work of my brain anyways so you can't be mad at me! Thanks for reading…


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:** I don't own these characters, I just play with them.

**RORY/LL POV**

"Mum." I groaned and burrowed deeper into the covers. "Mama?" Maybe if I don't move, he'll go away. "Mom? Mommy?" he says in his best American accent, ugh the kid was too persistent.  
"Seriously kid, you have to learn the art of sleeping in. We're on holiday." I say my voice laced with sleep and muffled by the pillow I put over my head in an attempted to block out the world.  
Not to be deterred my nugget straddles my back "but Mother-," he says taking the pillow from by head and leans in close, I feel his breath on my face, my mouth twitching to try and hold back a smile.  
My baby boy, my nugget, my heart.  
I force my eyes open and startled to not find my usual happy smirky five year old. "Nugget, what's with the face?"  
"Did I make you cry for waking you, you can go back to sleep I didn't mean to make you cry?"  
Warmth filled me. It was a great feeling to have his love. "No, no of course not, heart."  
"Then why are your eyes red?" He asks laying his head on my pillow to trace my eye lids.  
Fiddle sticks. I didn't want him to know I'd been upset yesterday. I allowed myself a good wallow once I got back to the penthouse and put him to bed.

Different emotions had ran through me as I sat in the car with the knowledge Logan was a mere fifty feet away. He saw Landon. My son. Our son. No, no, he's mine, mine. I didn't know whether I wanted to fight or flight, throttle him or hug him. I had felt him before he even stepped outside; my heart soared and broke at the familiar feeling of him being near. But nothing, nothing will ever compare to the feeling that swept over me at the sight of him all messy blonde hair and brown eyes in a fine tailored suit of my past. He looked good, he looked bloody good. Thank god for the tinted windows. I was at the brink of a panic attack and didn't need or want him to know I was there. But after a good cry fest, I reinforced my resolve and focused on what was important.

"Just a long day yesterday love, but I'm all better now."  
He instantly perked up at my words, "Oh yeah, Aunt Liv's show was a blast! My pictures looked awesome Mum. Too bad you didn't get to see them, but, well now that you're awake...we can go to the big toy store" he says giving me his infamous smirk. He looks just like Logan when he does that.  
"The toy store?"  
"Yeah, the big one with the big piano."  
"You woke me up at," I pause to look at the clock, "at EIGHT O'CLOCK in the morning to go to FAO Schwarz. Why you little-" I grabbed him around the waist and pinned him to the bed before tickling him mercilessly. I would let him up, eventually. This is what he gets for waking me up and without coffee! Blasphemy.  
"Ah! Mu- Mu- Mummy stop! Stop! I can't breath, I can't breath!" I stopped tickling him for a second so he could catch his breath, but kept my fingers in primo tickling position. "Okay, I'll stop but only if I get a kiss and you promise tomorrow we sleep past hhmm" I pause as if in thought "at least 10 o'clock." He scrunched up his face in thought then finally concedes, leaning up to plant a sloppy kiss on my cheek, "M'kay, promise."

We lay around my bed for another half-hour and watched an episode of Spongebob before we finally got up to shower and get dress to start our day.

One of my favorite amenities of the Hayden penthouse is definitely this bathroom. Ahh, the massaging shower heads and the huge picture window overlooking Central Park always relaxes me.  
After showering I dressed casually, in my favorite charcoal Converse trainers, dark blue skinny jeans and black cashmere jumper. It was a little sheer so I threw on a gray tank underneath. I had to be prepared for a day of walking and sightseeing, walking I KNOW, in New York City with a five year old. A very energetic one at that.  
Unfortunately and fortunately Landon is at the age where he likes to do things for himself now, according to him he is a little man now he doesn't always need his Mummy's help especially to dress himself. And I have to say my little man is pretty dapper. I'm always amazed that at his age he knows and wants to match sometimes all the way down to his socks. Hhmm maybe he has OCD tendencies, I should look into that.

I make my way into the kitchen to find, Lucy standing by the window, on the phone in a deep hushed conversation. She looked tense. Ugh, she's probably telling someone about last night. Bloody hell. I really didn't want to deal with this today.  
"Good morning," I say, announcing my presence, walking to the cupboard to grab a mug for my much needed coffee. I didn't want to have a conversation about it, I was fine now. It doesn't matter. I also didn't want Landon to over hear anything.  
She ends her conversation and then turns to me with sympathetic eyes. Ugh. I hate that.  
"Look, I don't want to talk about it, right now" I say, taking a gulp of my coffee. Once the coffee hit my throat I sighed in contentment, it was bloody good, not Luke's good, but good.  
"I know, I know. We're on holiday. No serious stuff." Lucy respond and I'm instantly relived she's letting it go. "But how are you feeling? Are you okay? What are you going to do Ror, what if he trie-?" Or maybe not. I look over my shoulder before responding to make sure Landon wasn't in hearing range and make sure to respond in a low voice.  
"I'm fine. Let him come, look, I knew this might happen, I've been preparing for it. I couldn't keep Landon a secret forever. It doesn't matter. I'm going to send him the papers that states his parental rights were involuntary terminated years ago."  
"But, hm it's like admitting that's he's his son."  
"Hm, I'm sorry but where have you been? They are spitting images of each other."  
"I know, I know seeing them standing next, well really Logan was kneeling, but anyways seeing them next to each other was kind of scary. Literally. Spitting images minus the eyes."  
My heart clenched at that thought, I kind of wish I would have seen that. I wonder how he feels now that he realizes who Landon was. And that I never went through with it. I shook my head at that thought. It doesn't matter.  
"Right. Well, whatever, it doesn't matter; he'll see that he has no claims. I haven't asked him for money nor do I intend to and he'll move on bonking his way through the East coast. End of story."  
"What if he fights?" She quietly asks.  
"Fights for what?"  
"Hhmm, ahem for hm what hm he's entitled to?"  
"What he is fucking entitled, Luc?" I seethe through gritted teeth. "Huh? What? NOTHING that's what! What is he going to say to a judge, I want to see the child I didn't want, that I told her to fucking abort!"

_"Hello? Logan, where are you? I need you to come home." I plead. Yes, finally. I've been trying to reach him for days, but him, Colin and Finn just disappeared and they weren't returning any of my calls or text, nothing.  
__"Ace? Ace?, Hey baby, I'm in Sin City!" He yells over the noise, he's clearly drunk. Ugh no, I need him coherent, I need him.  
__"You're in Las Vegas?" I screech, he's off gallivanting like a freaking teenager while I'm going through a freaking crisis! It doesn't matter I need him. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves, and ignore the giggles in the background.  
__"Look, it doesn't matter. Please, please just come home." I plead.  
__"Home? But wwwhhhhyyyy? I'm having fun?" He whines. Is this what's going to be like dealing with a Mini him?  
__"But I need you to come home, Logan. I'm scared. I was late so, so- I to-, I took a-" I stammer out.  
__"Ace? What? Just spit it out Ace, what?"  
__"I'm, we're pregnant" I finally get out.  
__I heard his sharp intake of air through the phone.  
__"Hello?" The timer is still going off so I know it didn't disconnect. "Hello?" I ask again.  
__"Are you fucking serious? I can't fucking do this, I'm not ready for this." He yells into the phone. This wasn't the reaction I thought he'd have, it breaks my heart and I begin to sob. I mean I'm not ready either but its ours. "But, bu-" He cuts me off. "Do you realize how much money I just fucking lost. A lot. A whole fucking lot. I can't fucking do this right now. Are you sure? Is it even mine?"  
__My sobs turn to anger. What the hell, is he serious?  
__"What? of course it is!" How can he even question that?  
__"You can't, I can't. Fuck. I don't fucking care. You need to go take care of it. Take care of it, Rory. I'll be back Wednesday, make sure it's taken care of." And then the line went dead._

"Mum, hm can you do the hawk to my hair?" I turn around to find Landon dressed in black and white Nike trainers, dark-denim jeans and a black T-shirt with the words "Born to be Wild" written across the front and a white long sleeve shirt underneath. My heart, my nugget, my baby boy. He is my reason for everything, nothing else matters. "Yeah, yeah baby, of course, come here."  
"Oh wow Lan, I love the shirt." Luc says complementing him. She gives me a apologetic look. And I give her a nod to let her know she's forgiven. She's only concerned, I know that.  
"Mum, you kay? You're face is red."  
"I'm fine nugget, I'm just hot. All done baby."  
Where he got the idea of having a mo-hawk I'll never know, he just said he thought it was cool. The faux-hawk was our compromise when he said he actually wanted to buzz the sides of his head, I drew the line there. I was a cool mom, but no, no mo-hawks, no matter how cool him, Auntie G and his Nana Loreali thought it would be. Oh god, my grandmothers would have been mortified. So we settled for styling his hair to a point.  
"Cool, can we go now?"  
"Yeah baby let's just get our parkas," I say helping him down from the stool. "Um Luc, we're going to FAO Schwarz and Central Park, then we're meeting up with Anthony and my cousin for lunch, you are welcome to join us."  
"No, no enjoy the sights. I'm going to just hang out here, I have to memorize my lines." then bends down to give my baby a hug and a kiss, "Landon, spends lots of mommy's money, O'kay?"  
Before walking out the door I made sure to give Luc a hug to reassure her that I wasn't mad at her, I knew the questions she asked were logical questions the rest of my family would be asking so I couldn't fault her for asking them.

After nearly four hours and almost five thousand dollars later, Landon and I make the one kilometer treck to The Sidecar to have lunch with Anthony and Robert.  
As we walk into the quaint upstairs restaurant I notice them in a intense conversation which they stop immediately as soon as they spot us. Ugh, I'm tired of all the intensity, it's a holiday people! Ugh. They stand up to greet us. "Hey Ant," I say standing on my toes to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Hey love. Landon, little man, what's up," giving Landon a high-five.  
I like to refer to Ant as my guardian angel. The day before my graduation, as I was packing my belongings from the apartment I shared with Paris and Doyle, the answers to my dilemmas came in the form of Anthony Masen.

_"Loreali Gilmore?" I turned to the door to see a massive six feet, five inches of sheer brawn and muscle, dressed in a three piece dark charcoal suit taking up the doorway. He definitely didn't belong in this neighborhood.  
__"Hm, yes. And who are you?"  
__He walked towards me with an extended hand, "Anthony Masen, from Hayden Law Firm."  
__I looked at him, my mouth making an audible sound as it pops open in surprise, "hm, excuse me?" was all I managed to squeak out.  
__"I'm here to offer you some possible solutions to your dilemmas. To make sure you and your heart," he says waving a hand to my stomach, "are well taken care of." How the hell did he know?_

And that's what he did. Ant offered me solutions to all of my problems and I took them. My mother thought I was giving up on the plan, but I thought of it as a new plan, a new plan to provide for my baby, he was what was most important now. And I don't and would never regret that.  
"Cuz, what's with the face? What's got your knickers in a twist?" I say taking the seat next to him that he pulled out for me. Good breeding, always a gentleman.  
"Not now Leigh, later."  
"No Robert, what? Tell me now." I demand. I can see it in his face; he's itching to tell me.  
He looks over to Anthony who gives him curt nod and returns to listening to Landon who's regaling him with his tales of our carriage ride around central park.  
I eye them both suspiciously not liking this one bit. Robert pulls my chair closer to his, wrapping an arm around the back of my chair bringing my head closer to his.  
"Logan, well really his private investigator, found out who the car you were in last night is registered to." He says low enough so only I can hear. "I guess the little nutter memorized the license plate or something. Look, its only a matter of time before they put everything together." That little bugger! Fuck it, whatever it doesn't matter. He can snoop all he wants.  
"Oh is that it, its fine Rob," I say nonchalantly. "I knew this would happen, he's not a nitwit you know!"  
"How can you be so calm about this Leigh?"  
"Look it doesn't matter. He can do whatever the hell he bloody well wants. We know he doesn't have any parental rights anyways."  
"Don't be naïve Leigh, you know him. That won't stop him, he's not just going to just fucking give up!" he said angrily, loud enough to draw the attention of Ant and my son.

"Hey, hey none of that here."  
"Hey, don't yell at my mum!"  
Anthony and Landon say at the same time, defending me.

"Sorry bud, I didn't mean to raise my voice." He said, ashamed he made Landon upset.  
"Baby, it's okay. Tell Ant about the James Bond car you tired to convince me to buy." I say trying to distract him, which of course works, ah got to love the attention span of a five year old.  
Turning my attention back to Robert, "look, its fine. It will be fine. He's probably just worried I'm going to hit him up for money. Once he sees I don't want or will ever need anything from him. He'll move on. When I get home I'll have Lacey send him a copy of the involuntary paternal rights termination papers. So don't fret, mate."  
"I don't think it will be that easy babe, I really don't think he is just going to give up Landon that easily...or you" he said so softly I almost didn't hear him.  
"If I didn't know any better I swear you were cheating on me." We hear a giggle as Olivia throws her arms around Robert's neck and she kisses his cheek. He smiles wide, and gives her a light kiss on the lips.  
"Eww, gross" ugh, my same sentiments, Nugget. They are so in love it's sickening. Who would have thought stick in the mud Robert would fall for bubbly artistic Olivia. Definitely not me.  
"Ew Liv stop, it still creeps me out that we even went on that date at Yale."  
"Hey! It wasn't that bad, you had fun!"  
"No, it's more of that fact I went on a date with my cousin"  
He visibly shudders, "at least its second cousins."  
"Whatever, tomato, tomahto"  
"Alright children enough, what was up with the intense conversation? According to Luc we were barred from any intense or serious conversations, since we're on vacation."  
"Lo- Fuck." Me and Liv break out in giggles as Landon sticks out his hand to collect his quid without even pausing his chat with Anthony. He was cleaning house! Ah, my little entrepreneur.  
"Seriously kid your cleaning me out."  
"Then you should watch your mouth Uncle Robert, use other words like bloody, freaking etc."  
"Aw babe, you just got schooled by a five year old, how does it feel?"  
"Smarta- aleck. Anyways HE, his private investigator found out the car from last night belongs to the Firm" be begins to explain.  
"Oh, hm, actually I received several calls asking about the photo collection. Hm, I told them all they were already sold."  
"Liv no you didn't have to do that..call them back. You should sell them. It will be-"  
"No, no. Honestly I'm not ready to just let them go. They mean so much. You know it took a lot for me to even show them."  
"I know I just don't want you to lose out..." She leans over Robert to give me a hug, squeezing me tight, whispering "its fine, it will be fine" into my hair. I know she's talking about more than the pictures. And I know in my heart she's right, no matter what everything will be fine, I'll make sure of it.

The next couple days were spent in a flurry of activities and sightseeing, ice skating at Rockefeller Center, a trip to the New York Hall of Science, a show of the Radio City Christmas Spectacular, visits to Stars Hallow, and Hartford. Landon wanted to experience it all. And I wanted him to, I've depraved him the chance of visiting the States for so long, but no more.

All too soon Saturday arrived, our last full day in the States. It was bittersweet, I enjoyed spending time with my family, I missed them. Especially mom, we were so busy with our lives it was hard for us to connect, but it was also a relief to finally go home. To get back into our routine. To a sense of normalcy. Being here is starting to drive me crazy, my head and feelings were all over the place.

I decided to have a lazy day in the penthouse before the dinner and invited mom, dad, and Gigi, for a movie day. Landon and I started our holiday with a New York themed movie night, so it was only fitting we ended it a Blimey theme one, the added bonus of having everyone join us made it all that more exciting. Landon loved movie nights. We couldn't always coordinate it with our schedule and the time difference sometimes we Skyped with mom and Gigi to watch movies together. It was the relaxation I needed to put myself in the right frame of mind for tonight. In the past I avoided these things at all costs. But no more. With everything that happened in the past year and my appointment to Partner, I manned up and resolved to dive full force into my responsibilities of Hayden Law. Anthony needed me, the company needed me.

My resolve had faltered a bit at the situation with Logan finding out about Landon, but I was determined to press forward in my life and not let anything or anyone mess with it. That is why after we found out Logan was trying to procure a table to the dinner, I allowed the Anderson Group to sell their table to him. Everyone thought I was crazy. But I convinced them this was the best way to get the reunion over with. A society event with the East Coast elite, I knew he wouldn't cause a scene. Or so I hoped, but either ways, I was determined to dictate how this meeting was going go down. But just in case I made sure to invite the elder Huntzbergers for extra measure. Okay if I was being completely honest, the thought of him and his family being there may have been sort of a chance for me to get in a little extra dig. I may have a tad of bitterness in me, just a tad.

After a watching 101 Dalmatians, Mary Poppins, Spice World and V for Vendetta, I left my mom, Gigi and Landon to get dressed. My mother was happy to stay behind with kids, saying they'd be better company then the foo-foo elites. I couldn't blame her. She didn't need the any undue stress dealing with any of my bullshit while seven months pregnant.

I walk into the lounge of the penthouse where my family and friends were gathered. We were all going to the dinner together. As a united front, this was my sort of coming out party in this side of the pond's business world. I was already making a name for myself in London. And I was determined to do the same here.

"L.L., are you trying to give people heart attacks?" Ant asks with a laugh as I step into the living room. Nine heads snap in my direction, I hear a variation of cat calls, whistles, claps and exclaims of hot mama's.

I roll my eyes at their juvenile behavior and look at my reflection on the door leading to the terrace. The woman staring back at me looked poised and confident... her corseted black satin asymmetric sleeveless gown that draped over her curves and showed just the right amount of cleavage, was simply stunning. Hair pulled back and fastened into a messy array at the nape of my neck. My feet clad in black suede peep-toes with a killer silver stiletto heel. I had the smokey eye thing and nude lips going so I wanted everything else to be minimal. The only jewelry I had on was a simple pair of Tiffany's Legacy earrings and the Hearts bracelet that I never took off, it was a gift from Landon and I cherished it.

I leaning down to collect my Ivory rabbit shrug and metallic leather box clutch I turn to my family, "What? Too much? I was going for understated..." I say with a smirk.

We were the first to arrive at The Foundry, an event space located in the borough of Queens. My grandmothers thought I was crazy when I said we would be having the dinner here. God forbid it's not in a ballroom! Queue eye roll. I wanted a different style for this event, it was the Ninetieth Anniversary and I wanted to remind everyone of Hayden Law's long standing history and that a Hayden was now back in charge and we are going to continue to persevere. Once Lacey showed me the pictures of the once 19th century metal foundry I knew this space would let me make that statement. The old exposed brick contrasts with modern steel railings created the feel of the strong long standing history I was going for.

As guest started to arrive I spent the next hour in a whirlwind of handshakes, hugs, air kisses and small talk. I kept a watchful eye as people entered the space. The first to arrive were Stephanie and Colin, knowing it was only a matter of time till the rest of them would make their appearances, I decided to go up to the second floor, and lurk in the shadows and observe them from afar. Honor and Josh arrived shortly followed by Finn and Rosemary. Interesting, guess he finally wore her down. They all looked around uncomfortably in hushed conversation, and I'm sure trying to catch a glimpse of me.

As I watched Mitchum and Shira Huntzberger waltz into the space, I caught Robert's eye our face break out in matching wicked grins as we watch with amusement as they are ushered to sit at their table. They all looked uncomfortable of the elder Huntzbergers being in attendance. Hmm, I wonder what Logan had planned.

As the master of ceremonies asks the guests to settle in their seats I note their table still had an empty seat, I began to think that he was going to be a no show, but then the air shifts and I watched as a lone figure slips into the empty seat. He's here.

I took a deep calming breath, straighten my back, and put my game face on. I was ready for this.

**AN:** Links to the Hayden Penthouse, Rory/LL's get-up, etc. on my profile.

I'm not British, I'm sorry if I butchered the lingo, I tried. Please let me know if you think this sucked and I should stick to Logan's POV.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:  
**Please keep in mind this is AU and OOC.  
Currently set in mid-November 2012 in New York City, five years after Rory told Logan they were expecting, and he told her to "take care of" it.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own these characters.

oOo

_Deep Breathes, Logan.  
You can do this.  
You've being preparing yourself for five years for this.  
You've imagined every possible scenario of when you see her again._

In. Out. Deep Breath.

Pacing the courtyard of the Foundry, I was trying to amp myself up to walk into where I knew she would be. After agreeing to cover the fifty fucking thousand dollar table donation request and some extra bribing on the side I was able to finally procure a table to the Hayden charity dinner. Apparently it was a hot ticket item and only certain people we're even offered the chance to purchase the tables. Seriously, it was like dealing with the fucking mob, when it came to trying to find, see, or even breathe the same air as Rory.

But it didn't matter. I'd do anything. And **WILL** do anything.

As I follow the usher to my table. My steps falter and I still for a second.

What the fuck are my parents doing here?

Shit. Ugh, I can't. They better not ruin this for me. Fuck. _It's Mitchum! Of course he'll ruin it._ Shit.

I slip into an open seat between Honor and Steph just as the lights dim. I give them a kiss on the cheek in greeting and offer a small smile and nod to the others.  
I feel a pinch on my arm, "what the fuck, Honor?" I hiss while rubbing where it hurt. Goddamn, just what I need another bruise. She needed to stop with the violence. She glares at me and mouths, "what are they doing here?" tilting her head to the directions of my parents. All I can do is shrug my shoulders, because I had **NO** fucking idea why they were here.

I didn't even have the fucking mind capacity to figure out their motives. It didn't matter. Not right now.

I could feel her. She was most definitely here. And I needed to be prepared. I needed to have my shit together.

I hated these fucking things to begin with and adding all these additional bullshit was pushing me close to the edge.

Fuck it. I'd endure it just for a glimpse. Even just to feel the sensation of having her close by. I missed it._  
You miss HER, asshole._  
Ugh, fuck. I know. Not now.

Well at least there's an open bar, open bars help make these shits bearable.

Shit! I can't even drink. Mike and I agreed that I should be sober, you know just in case I get the chance to talk to her or if she sends a pack of hyenas my way I'd at least have all my faculties to make a run for it.

Fuck it. I'm too wound up.  
I grab the attention of the nearest waiter and ask for a scotch neat, three fingers and slip him a fifty to make sure he gets that shit here quick. I'm going to need it. Just the anticipation of seeing her is giving me heart palpitations, how the fuck am I going to react when I see her!

I turn my attention to the balcony as a spotlight illuminates a man in his mid-forties sharply dressed in a tailored tuxedo.  
Anthony Masen.  
His name and face was splattered all over the files Mike left me.  
I studied that shit meticulously. But it still wasn't much. Well not much of the shit I really wanted to know.  
I had to say Masen was as big and intimidating in person as he came off on paper, but I didn't give a shit. Fucking cocksuker. Fuck him. I wanted to know what his role in Rory's life is. What role did he play in Landon's life? Because I know it was more than business acquiescence, and I prayed to God it wasn't more than a friends.

He clears his throat through the microphone calling the attention of the audience, "Thank you. Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, please allow me to introduce to you all the lovely Miss Loreali Leigh Hayden, the descendant of the esteemed founders of the Hayden Law Firm and Hayden Foundation, Charles and Rose Hayden."  
My chest tightens, and throat goes dry.  
Fuck.

In. Out. Deep breath.

I put on my society face and join in on the polite round of applause.

I feel Steph squeeze my shoulder in what I'm sure she intends to be a supportive gesture and to give me some comfort. But, yeah, no it doesn't help.

In. Out. Deep breath.

Where the fuck is this punk with my drink?

A figure begins to saunters forward onto the balcony. It's the body of a woman clad in a black satin gown that I'm oh so familiar with but yet not, her hips look rounder and her breast fuller.

Just in the nick of time the waiter places the drink in front of me. I down it. And put the glass back in his tray and ask for another. "Don't you think you should slow down little brother?," Honor whispers in my ear.  
I shot her a glare and she just raises her hand in silent surrender.  
Slow down? Is she fucking serious? Slow down? I have been waiting five years to see her, yearning for her, missing her.  
Holy Shit.  
Okay maybe I should take it easy, before I run up to the balcony and fucking get down on my knees, beg her to take me back and let us be a family.

Oh, fuck. I am so fucked.

In. Out. Deep breath. In. Out.

The figure stops in front of Masen and he bends down to give her a kiss on the cheek, I growl at the hand he places on her hip. My father and mother's head snap in my direction both giving me the stink eye.

What-the-fuck-ever, that asshole needs to keep his hands off what's mine.

My thoughts and breath stop as he steps aside and I finally see her fully. My chest clenched.

My father makes a choking noise and my mother gasps in surprise as they realize who Loreali Hayden was. I guess nobody informed them that the girl they said wasn't good enough for our family was **THAT** kind of Hayden.

Holy motherfucking bejezus, she is fucking beautiful. The dress was spectacular, black and tight, hugging all of her curves, and leaving just the right amount of her creamy pale flesh exposed. Her chocolate brown hair pulled back to the nape of her neck, dark eye make-up making her celestial blues pop and pale pink lips looking kissable as ever.

I love her lips, eyes...Fuck. No.

In. Out. Deep breath.

Yes! I do an internal fist pump as the waiter puts another glass in front of me. Fuck, I should have just asked him to bring me the bottle. I take a sip instead of downing it like I really wanted to. Honor would be pleased.

In. Out. Deep breath.

She stands at the microphone with a radiant smile on her face. As she waits for the applause to die down, I take the time to take her in. She's poised, confident and is motherfucking glowing. _Hm, it's the spotlight dick._  
No, no it's her, it's always been her.  
Fuck. No.

In. Out. Deep breath.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, on behalf of the Hayden Enterprise we would like you to welcome you to the Ninetieth Annual Hayden Foundation Charity Dinner. All proceeds of this event will go towards Stand up to Cancer. An organization whose mission is to raise awareness of all cancers and raise funds towards cancer research."  
She pauses and the audience erupts in applause.  
"1,500 Americans die from cancer every day. One out of two men, and one out of three women, will hear those three earth shattering words. You have cancer. We've all been affected one way or another by cancer, whether it is a friend, family member..."  
Family. Fuck. I fucked up so badly. I missed so much. I wonder how she looked when she was pregnant. What were her cravings? Did she eat fruit like Loreali? Did Landon eat any fruit? Vegetables? What were his first words? What age did he learn to talk? To walk?

_"Logan?" I look up to find Rory looking at me with small shy smile with tears in her eyes.  
"Yeah, Ace?" I ask.  
"Thank you. Thank you so much for everything." she stammers.  
"Of course," I say pulling her close to me, placing a hand at the base of her neck and one on her hip. Rubbing soothing circles into her skin. I know how much her grandfather means to her. The moment I got her call I knew I needed to be with her. I needed to make sure she was okay. I needed to be there for her.  
"But you don't have to thank me. There's nowhere else I'd rather be." I whisper, burying my face in her neck breathing in her perfect scent.  
God, I love her smell.  
God, I love her._

I shake my head to clear it. Don't go there Logan. Not here, not now.

"Last, but not least, I would like to thank all again in attendance tonight, for your generosity. Please don't forget to collect your gift baskets on your way out tonight. Please. Enjoy yourselves, Eat, Drink and be Merry. Thank you."  
Fuck, I missed her whole speech. She gives a smile as the lights turn back on and everyone breaks out in polite applause. I follow her with my eyes as she walks away from the balcony to the burly man who introduced her. I feel a stab of pain and jealousy as he takes her hand and he leads her away from the balcony.

"Logan," I hear my mother hiss my name, I turn to her and notice her and my father with matching scowls on their faces.  
Ugh, what now?  
"Logan, is that real?" confusion must have been written all over my face because my father elaborates, "why would you attend an event like this with a black eye!" he whisper yells, looking around I'm sure so not to draw attention to our table.

Rolling my eyes, "Calm down, it's not even that bad, anymore."

"Not bad? Not bad? Logan you look like you went a couple of rounds with Mayweather. I can't believe you came out in public like that! Have you been going to wo-"

"Aw, thanks Daddy," Honor says excitedly interrupting our father, "I've been working with Jackie three days a week to get this baby weight off. See honey I told you it would be well worth it!"

"Honor, you did that him?" My mother asks, astonished.

We are all so distracted we hadn't heard her approach.

"I'm sure he deserved it, Shira" all our heads snap in the direction of the voice of my angel.  
Holy Shit.  
I didn't expect her to come to me. I thought I was going to have to stalk her all night.  
Fuck, she looked good.  
"Right, Logan? You did something to deserve it."  
She says looking right at me, her eyebrows rose slightly and I saw the corners of her mouth twitch, the beginnings of an amused smirk.  
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.  
She's talking to me.  
Rory's standing right in front of me.  
Talking.  
To.  
Me.

oOo

**AN:** I am not affiliated with the organization Stand up for Cancer, if you are interested in learning more about them please go to my profile for their link.

Thank you to everyone who puts this on their favorites, story alerts and reviews. I squee every time I get an email alert!

It was short I know...sorry, I'm writing the next chapters no worries it will be up soon...


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: **Please keep in mind this is AU and OOC.  
My apologies I know I said I'd have it up yesterday...RL blah blah you don't really care sooo onward to the show...

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters.

**RORY/LL POV**

"You're going to go over there aren't you?" Anthony says over his shoulder as he leads me down the stairs. I nod my head and give him a weak smile, he knows me so well. He has been there for me for the past five years. We've been each other's rocks.

We both knew I needed to be the one in control of tonight, I was not going to be in a state of panic all night. I was going to enjoy myself.  
I was NOT going sit around in anticipation of when or even IF he would come to me. So I resolved myself to go to him.

"I might as well get it over with, yeah?"

As we reach the bottom of the stairs he bends down and kisses my hair "Yeah L.L., do you want me to come with you?"

"No, it's okay. I'll be okay, I'll be fine."

"Alright, let's get Lacey she knows the arrangements?"

He calls out to my assistant.

"Yes, sir. Ma'am" Lacey responds scurrying over to our perch by the stairs.

"Ew, did you just seriously ma'am me!"

"We're in public Ror." she says chuckling softly.

I playfully roll my eyes at her. We had an awesome work-friend relationship. I was eternally grateful she decided to take me up on my offer to relocate to London. When her resume came across my desk, I just knew I needed her to work with me again.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Ugh, you just made me feel REALLY old." I say in mock annoyance.

"Hey, how do you think I feel when she calls me Sir. I feel like a geezer." We know she does that just to play up our roles, but we always bust her balls about it.

"That's because you are" I say elbowing his side.

"Uhuh, yeah, yeah, I'll show you later who's old," Anthony retorts between his laughter, elbowing me back.

"Whatever, when's Seth getting here, he'll remind you exactly how old you are? Ugh, ew. Forget it. Mental imagine." I say with a fake shudder. Masen laughs grow louder, confirming I was right in what his next comment would have been.

"Oh, he's already here, he's sitting at your table." Lacey informs us; I can't help but roll my eyes at Ant's dopey smile. "Oh good, good. Lace, where's the Huntzberger table?" The smile on her face immediately drops.

"Hm, excuse me?" she says looking between me and Ant trying to see if he was messing around with her. She along with my family thought it was a bad move to bring him so close to me and essentially Landon. But no matter what it was my decision and they'd support me either ways. She looks at me with a skeptically trying to gauge my mental state, I'm sure she, and everyone else, thinks I've completely gone mad.

"Ahem, they're at table 10. Do you want to me to show you?," she says turning in the direction of what I assume is their table. I grab her arm before she gets too far and shake my head no. I needed to this on my own. He needed to see I was strong. She looks over to Masen who shakes his head no as well. He knew not to argue, I made up my mind. She sighs, "Okay, look I won't stand with you, I'll just show you, come on follow me." I pat Masen's arm and follow Lacey, and tell him to let everyone know where I am. Hopefully they'll be gossiped out by the time I make it to the table. Hm yeah, probably not but a girl can hope.

As we approach the table, I can see the tension rolling off them. They are having a quiet conversation, but I knew them all well enough to know it wasn't as friendly as they were all trying to pretend it was. My eyes instinctively land on Logan. My chest hurt from being so close to him, but I've grown accustomed to seeing his face every day in Landon that I hopefully I'd be able to be in his presence without breaking down.

He looked even better than the other night in a fitted tuxedo and bow-tie. I notice his left eye had a fading bruise and couldn't keep the smirk off my face as Honor owned up to it being her handy work. The look of shock on Mitchum and Shira's face was comical. And I couldn't help but blurt out that I'm sure he deserved it. All ten occupants swiftly turned their attention my way. All in various states of shock and astonishment. I felt tears come to my eyes as I took in the faces of my once close friends I hadn't seen in years. I had cut off all contact with anyone remotely connected to Logan. It was hard but I knew that I had to. _It's only nostalgia, Leigh, buck up, _my inner voice mused. And so I focused on the face that I knew would be the easiest to look at, his mouth opening and closing trying to form words. He looked so much like Landon, when he was in shock, my mouth twitching to an amused smirk.

oOo

**LOGAN POV**

I'm so shocked I don't even know what to fucking do. Or say.

_Yeah, and she probably thinks you're a fucking retard. Say something, dumbass!_

Thankfully the girls rescue me from making more of an asshat of myself as they all jump from their seats drawing her attention away from my me. They round the table in a series of squeals and oh my gods, forming a circle around Rory enveloping her in a hug and giving her kisses on the cheek.

They were all staring at one another with tears in their eyes, it was obvious they were fighting them back, not wanting to cry in such a social setting.

"Love," Finn exclaimed from his seat, breaking the staring contest the girls were in. I knew he was restraining himself, and trying to remain sitting. He was practically vibrating in his seat with excitement. "How have you been?"

"I'm good, I've been good." She responds as she steps back from the circle, the girls going back to their seats. Walking over to his side of the table as he and Colin stood up from their seats and engulfed her in their own circle of hug. I couldn't hear what they were saying but I knew they were having a whispered conversation. They eventually broke apart as I'm sure they felt eyes on them. All of the nearby tables watching the exchange from the corners of their eyes.

Anthony, Robert and a short young woman with a clipboard all walking over I'm sure to check on her. She shook her head no and they all stopped their approach and began to engage in a conversation with the table they were closest to.

Rory walked over to Josh patting him on the shoulder in greeting. "I just wanted to come over and thank you all for coming." She says turning towards my parents giving them a smile. I'm sure it didn't escape anyone's notice that she hadn't made a move to greet me with a hug like she did my friends and sister. _They were her friends too, you know._

"Of course dear, as soon as we received the invite we knew we must come. Hayden functions are a must." My mother states getting up to greet Rory with air kisses to both cheeks.

Damn, she's gotten good. She didn't even flinch.

"Rory," my father begins, "Loreali" she interrupts correcting him. My father looked stunned. We all were.

"Hm, right Loreali, how have you been? It's been forever since we seen you last. Logan, it's been what..." He says turning towards me. "Hm, five years" I mutter. "Right, right. So what have you been up to?" He asks but doesn't wait for her to respond before he moves on. "Hey, say is Christopher Hayden, you're..." He says trailing off hoping she'll fill in the blanks. But she doesn't. She simply raises an eyebrow and smirks at him clearly amused that he doesn't know who she is.

"Her father." I fill in for him, trying to move the conversation along. Surprise and intrigue quickly pass through my father's face at that little nugget of information. "Right, right. Is he here tonight? I was hoping to speak to him."

"Oh, yeah? He's around here somewhere. I'm sure he'll be by later to see you Mitchum. What exactly are you looking to speak to him about?"

"Oh just some business stuff, you don't need to worry." My father responds waving his hand dismissively.

My eyes snap to him and my anger flares at his dismissive tone. I clench my fist under the table and open my mouth ready to rip him a new one for being such a prick. Didn't he learn he should never undermine her. She was capable of so much and has accomplished so much. But she surprised us all again when she spoke up.

"It would do you some bloody good Mitchum to use those reporter genes of yours before you so easily dismiss someone. You'll never know who you are talking to. Maybe someone important. Maybe some part of the decision making team of the company who just acquired the company that manages all of your technology services."  
Her voice was even and calm but you can see the anger and irritation in her eyes.

"Dad, what the fuck?" I hiss slamming my fist to the table. He had told me earlier in the day that it was a done deal, we won that bid. What. The. Fuck. I worked my ass off on that fucking project. "Not now Logan" he responses through gritted teeth. Still staring Rory down. She didn't back down.

Instead she quirked an eyebrow and smiled wide. "Well, well, well. Looks like there's a lot for you two to talk about. Enjoy your dinner everyone. Don't forget to grab the gift baskets on your way out." She smiled over her shoulder and walked away.

oOo

My father seethed all throughout dinner refusing to look at me. I pissed too but I knew there was no point in having it out with him here, even though if it was me who lost the bid he would have never hesitated to rip into me, regardless of the venue. But he wasn't what was important to me tonight. I didn't come for him.

After the last dish was cleared from the table, he and mother left the table to socialize. Thanking fucking god. I couldn't stand to be near them anymore.

Everyone else made up for my lack of participation so I could keep an eye on Rory, as she fiddled from guest to guest captivating everyone of her audience. I could see the smiles and nods of approval when she walked away.

As the music changed from a soulful piano rendition of what sounded like _Stand by me_ to a more up-beat tune, I watched Anthony lead Rory out onto the dance floor. The two of them twisting, turning and singing to the music.

Rory's face lit up with a huge smile and she was laughing. She looked happy. The thought of him making her happy made a lump form in my throat. Fuck. I use to make her smile like that, laugh like that, move like that. Fuck. No.

I continued to watch Anthony and Rory dance as more couples joined them on the dance floor. The music changes to a slow song and he draws her closer to him as he strokes her back and they sway to the music. I wanted to rip his arms off and scream that she belonged to me, but I knew there was no point. I fucked that shit up on my own with those painful words. She was no longer mine. _But you want her to be. _Yeah, I do. Shit.

Suddenly they both stopped dancing as Ms. Clipboard came over and handed Rory a phone and she walked off to the dance floor presumably to a quieter place.

oOo

I didn't need to be told twice to follow her. As I made my way to the exit Rory left through I passed by the dance floor and I found eight sets of eyes following my movements. All with hard expressions, if looks could kill I'd sure be dead.

Richard and Robert made a move towards me but we're surprisingly stopped by their partners. It was Christopher and Anthony who both nodded their heads towards the door she left and I nodded my head in thanks. I knew they weren't doing it for me, but I felt I should thank them.

I walked up and down the corridors, checking the rooms, trying to find her. I walked by the coat check room again and heard a child's giggles. I quirked an eyebrow at the coat check attendant who tried to block my path. "Seriously kid, you need to get the fuck out my way."

"Hm sorry sir I can't let you through. Do you need me to fetch your coat? If you just give me your ticket, I'll-" I dug into my wallet and took out two hundred dollar bills. "Here kid, go take cigarette break or something." I pushed the bills into his hand and bumped him put of my way without waiting for an acknowledgment.

I followed the voices till I reached the last row. Rory was sitting on the floor with her back leaning against the wall.

She was looking intently at the phone she was holding with a big smile on her face.  
"And then the princess grabbed the prince's hand and said..." She trailed off. "You jump, I jump Jack!" A little voice screeched from the phone. "And then they leaped from the castle's highest tower, falling all the way, all the way down." Stretching out the last couple of words enthusiastically.

I gasped at the realization she was telling Landon the story of her first Life and Death Brigade event. I knew then at the moment as I held her hand that she was my something special. _You knew the moment she opened her mouth in Branford Hall._

She looked up, her expression going from shock to blank. Fucking shit, she's gotten really good at that. I use to be able to read all of her emotions on her face. She turned her attention back to her phone without acknowledging me.  
"Landon, heart, I have to go back to the party."  
"Oh, but mummy you only did one, I want another! What about the Boat heist, oh oh the Cheese Rolling festival oh oh please mummy, please." I snort at his fucking adorableness and the realization that she has told him stories of me. Granted it seemed like she skewed them into fucking fairy tales, but I didn't give a fuck. He knew about me. I was elated.  
"Mum, what was that?" She shot me a glare. Okay, that look I knew. "Hm, nothing baby. Tomorrow night, I promise." She says smiling bright, bringing her index finger to her lips and then presses it towards the phone. "M'kay. Night Mum, I love you. Did I tell you look really pretty?" It was then I realized they must be skyping. How the hell does he know how to skype, isn't he like five? "You did, nugget. Thank you and I love you too. Sweet dreams."

I step forward to help her as she makes a move to get up from the floor, but she puts her hand up to stop me. We just stare at each other for what seemed like hours but I'm sure it was only a matter of minutes as she leans against the wall. Her face blank, no longer holding the smile she had while talking to her son, our son. Fuck, why didn't she tell me? "Why didn't you tell me?" I whisper out loud, so low I'm not sure she heard. But when her eyes narrowed, the anger there made me take a step back away from her. "Tell you? Tell you?" Her voice rising with each word. I put my hands up in surrender. I didn't come here to fight, I wanted to talk. "Wait, I didn-" but she cuts me off "Fuck you, I didn't owe you shit and I still don't! The minute you told me to go take care of it" she says emphasizing her words with air quotes. "You gave up those rights! Ugh," she yells in frustration, but then takes a deep calming breath "and I did exactly that Logan. I took care of it, him. I did everything, everything I could to make sure he would have the best possible life. And I will continue to keep taking care of it, him, till my last breath." I looked at her in awe. She spoke with such, such… strength. I felt pride for her and sadden for myself. I fucked up. BIG time. Fuck. "I didn't come here to fight Ac-"

"No. No. Don't call me that." Her anger flaring again. "You lost those rights too. Did you think your lame-ass attempts to woe me that time would seriously work? I understood the first time that fact that you didn't know how to be a boyfriend caused you to do idiotic things. But freaking get well flowers, cards and teddy bears? Seriously Logan, get well? Get well from what exactly? Get well from what you thought was a surgical procedure I had done to get rid of my child! That was fucking tactless! "

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. "I'm sorry, look Ror, Loreali, fuck. I didn't mean it like that when I got back from Vegas and all your stuff was gone and Paris said you were recovering, I just assum-"

"Exactly you assumed, and you know what they say. You know what whatever, Logan it doesn't matt-"

"Huntzberger, you need to get the fuck away from her right now" I turn around to see the angry faces of Chris, Anthony, and Robert standing in the entry way.

"Leigh, come on, get the fuck away from the prick. You don't owe him shit." Robert says stepping forward with his hand out. She nods her head and side-steps to move around me, but stops and whispers in my ear.

"Look Logan, you can stop now. Okay? What's done is done, and I'm not going to ask you for anything, I swear. So just stop. It doesn't matter. You're forgiven. Is that what you need? I don't matter. We don't matter. So just go on."

"Stop, stop. Please let me-."

"No, no. I'm not now or ever will ask anything from you, you'll see. Goodbye."

And with that she walked out without another backwards glance towards me.

**AN:** I hope I didn't turn you off with the POV siwtch but LL just wanted to show that bit in her POV. I'm off to vacation for two weeks, don't know if I'll have the chance to write, but will definitely try. But on the upside I'll be in England so maybe I can pick up some British lingo etc.

Thank YOU, yes YOU for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry I took so long. I'd give you a shitload of excuses, but...do you really want to hear it?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters.

* * *

"Hey, boss man? How was your weekend? Waking up to your gorgeous face in the Sunday Times was definitely a bonus. But I get to see it in the flesh five days out of the week, so it kinda made me feel greedy, but whatevs. You looked yummy in that tux. You should totally wear that more often. Wait, F.Y.I. if you're going to take a photo with a public figure, especially the Mayor you should at the very least fake a smile, just sayin'." Patrick breaks through the haze and plops in a chair in front of my desk.

"Hhmm, is everything okay?" He asks. I hear him but I can't find it in me to tear my eyes away from what's in front of me.  
"Hhheeelllooo, anyone home? Logan, Logan. You okay? Log-" The pitch in his voice was rising.

"Logan, what the fuck is going on?" My father shouts as he burst through my office like a tornado.

I stayed unmoving, just staring at what is in front of me. He wanted to talk, argue, belittle me, who the fuck knows. I haven't seen or spoken to him or anyone really since the party. After Rory walked away I just couldn't go back. So, I went home. I sat in the dark and thought. I ignored the calls, texts, emails, bbms, smoke signals, carrier pigeons, everything. I eventually sent a mass text letting everyone know I was okay and to leave me the fuck alone. I needed to think. I needed to plan. And that's what I did and I had a brilliant plan.

But it all went to shit.

"Logan? Logan? Are you listening to me? Where the hell did you run off to after the party? Where were you yesterday? Logan? Patrick, what the fuck is going on with him?"

"Sir, I..I...I don't don't know. When I came in he was...he was like this." Patrick stammers. I feel like I should save my assistant from the wrath of my father, I usually do, but I don't have it in me.

"Ugh, what the hell is the matter with him."

I feel a hand on my shoulder give me a hard shake. Drawing my attention away. I lift my eyes to my father, his expression softening as I shift my eyes to him.

If I was in the right frame of mind I would have been shocked to see it but I wasn't so I just blankly stared.

"Patrick, can you please call Honor and have her come down here?"  
"Hhmm, sure, sir."

My father's eyes never left mine as he spoke to Patrick.

"Logan, what's going on?" He asks once Patrick leaves and closes the door, his voice calmer, softer and more patient then I was use to. I haven't heard him use this tone with me since I was a little boy. Not even when I was in the hospital after Costa Rica. It sounded like he actually cared. I should have been shocked. But I just stared.

I threw the stack of papers that I've been staring at to him. He catches them and lifting an eyebrow in question, but I just made a motion for him to read it.

I was at a lost for words.  
He was mine.  
But he wasn't.

* * *

_"Oh, he just got here. Yeah, I'm sure. I'll be home in a couple of hours. I love you too babe." __  
__I stopped in the doorway of the reception area of my office. Babe? Babe? Was that Rory? What the fuck was he doing here?_  
_"What the fuck are you doing here, Masen?"_  
_He let's out a laugh guffaw._  
_"Isn't it obvious? For you, arsehole. Listen I don't have a lot of time. I'm needed in London. I would have done this yesterday but apparently your arse hadn't left your flat since the night of the party." He says taking a step towards me and shoving a manila envelope into my chest. He keeps his hand on top it, digging it into my chest and levels his eyes with me. "Now that you know about Landon what do you want?"_  
_My answer is automatic, I know what I want. "I want my family." I was shocked at his forwardness but I already knew my answer._  
_He looks into my eyes searching, gauging my sincerity. He gives me a nod. "Just as I thought. This is from Leigh or Ace to you, yeah?" He says emphasizing by nudging the envelope into me deeper. "This is why she kept saying it doesn't matter." He says as he backs away and starts to gather his things. "I assume by family you want the whole sha-bam?" He asks._  
_"Yes, of course. I want bo-"_  
_"Good. First, you're going to have to show her you want HIM. Use that same energy you've used on making grand gestures for her, for him. You have to show her you want HIM."_  
_I was dumbfounded, he was seriously giving me advice?_  
_"Hm, well thanks, man."_  
_"Don't thank me. You have to do all of the work. I figured I'd give you some unsolicited advice while I dropped the papers off. My love wouldn't let me just let it go and let a mail carrier hand this to you. He's convinced you both are meant to be. A romantic that one. So good luck, you're going to bloody well need it."_  
_"Yeah, I know I fucked up. Big-time. I won't be able to apologize enough, and I will never stop trying. I want my family."_  
_"Good to hear mate. Keep that in mind when you read those papers."_

* * *

"Involuntary termination of. Parental Rights? Who the hell is L.E.H.? What the hell is go-?"

"I have a son." I interrupt, looking straight into my father's eyes. I will not be ashamed of Landon. He didn't deserve that.

My father's eyes widen at my words.

"His name is Landon. Landon Eli Hayden."

"Hayden?" He bellowed.

"Yeah, he is mine and Rory's son. He's four, he'll be five in December."

"Four? What the- Why are we just hearing about this now? Is she trying to get money-"

"NO!" I shout. Is that a serious question?

I WISH she was asking me for something but clearly she was telling me to stay the fuck away.

Fuck. Anyway she's a Gilmore and a fucking Hayden.

"Then why now Logan?" He yells back. "Why is she telling you about him now? I don't understand all this legal mambo jumbo, but I see abandonment a lot. You fucking abandon them?" His face was turning beet red and a vein in forehead pulsing furiously.

"I didn't abandon them!" I yelled back, but weakly. "Well not on purpose."

"Not on purpose? What does the hell does that mean?"

"Dad, would you relax! You look like you're going to have a heart attack." He shot me a glare but took a deep breath and leaned back against my desk.

Deep breaths, good idea. In. Out. Deep breath.  
Once we are both a less on edge I start to explain.

"Dad, okay. Look. Shit. Five years ago Rory told me she was pregnant, but I didn't, I didn't know she kept him." I lower my head in shame. I was such a dick. I am a dick.

"I don't understand."

"I thought she got rid-"

"Why would she do that?" He says his voice getting louder again with each word.

"Because I told her to..." Before I could finish my sentence my chair is slammed against the floor to ceiling windows of my office, I was almost sure the force of would make it crack and I'd fly out the window.

My head throbbed. Fuck.  
My father was in my face, his fists clenched on both sides of my head, seething. His voice low as he spoke. "You told Rory to get rid of your child?"  
I gulped; I've never seen him so angry.

"Hm, is everything okay? Honor is on her way." Patrick said from the doorway, his voice shook.

My father pushed away, moving to the adjacent wall, pacing. He was shaking with anger and muttering to himself.

"Hm, yeah, Pat. Everything is good. Just tell Honor to come in when she gets here." I reply, my voice shaky.

I get up; rub the back of head, trying to soothe the pain. Fuck. A nasty bump already forming.  
After I straighten my suit and walk my chair back to my desk. I nod to Patrick letting him know I was okay. He hesitates as he makes a move to close the door, his eyes darting between me and my father.  
I nod my head again to reassure him, I would be okay. Or at least I hoped I would be. I moved to the side of my desk to make sure something was between us. I wasn't that much of an idiot. I had some sense of self preservation.

My father was still pacing but he was no longer shaking with anger. Thank god. He suddenly stops and stares at me. His eyes showing not anger but sadness. "How have you lived with yourself?" He says roughly. "I can't believe you would do that. I thought that if you were to ever have a child especially with Rory, you'd take responsibility for it, him. I mean this is Rory, Crackle. She made you happy. She made you smile, laugh, love...she was your one. I was sure of it."

"Wow." My chest tightened at his declaration. I was taken aback by his words and his easy use of my childhood nickname. It was our thing when I was younger. I was the Crackle to his Pop. If he was home in the morning before we went to school he'd sit at the breakfast bar and eat Rice Krispies together. Honor was more of a Trix kid.

"Logan," he says coming closer to where I was standing. "Regardless of what you think, you are my son and I love you. I always have and always will. I never meant or wanted us to be so...so...disconnected, but it happened. It was definitely a lot of me...but it was a little bit of you too, you know." I start to speak but he waves me off. "It doesn't matter, we'll fix us along the way. If you want to that is..." He asks, for the first time in my life, my father was unsure, hesitant.

"Yeah, Pop." I agree he smiles so wide, it almost scares me more than when he was angry before. I don't even know when was the last time I've seen him smile like that. If ever. He chuckles at my expression and then suddenly turns serious.

"Okay, good. But first let's fix this." He says picking up the papers. "I hope you learn from my mistakes and don't do that same with your children. Don't be disconnected from them."

"I don't want that to happen. I want my family. My whole family. I want them back. I'm going to get them back."

"Okay, then we'll do just that."

* * *

Honor arrived and found my father and me sitting across from each other...laughing. He was regaling me with a tale of my younger years. Apparently I invented the term terrible twos.

"Hey, hhmm is everything okay? Patrick said he was afraid the Apocalypse was going on in here."

"Yeah Rabbit, everything is fine. Come, come. Take a look at your nephew."

We laughed loudly at Honor's expression. She gasped loudly. Her head darting back and forth between us.

"Yeah, I know. Anyways, I told him. Everything."

I caught her up to date of the situation, about what happened in the coat room on Saturday, the papers that was delivered this morning and what I wanted to happen now.

"Masen, eluded that I might have a chance. But I have to do this right. I feel like I only have one chance. And I can't fuck it up. I just can't."

"Wait, Masen? Anthony Masen?"

Oh, shit I guess I forgot to mention that. "Yeah, he was the one who dropped off the papers to me. He said I had to prove to her that I want Landon."

"That makes sense." Honor piped in.

"Rory is probably convinced you don't want anything to do with Landon. And they are a package deal, little brother. You're going to have to show her and him you really want to be a family, with the both of them."

I nodded my head at her words. Agreeing that was what I had to do.

"I need to get these fucking things to Josh and Colin to look into this." I say scowling at the papers in front of me. "I know they don't deal with family law, but I want to at least know my options."

Honor and my dad agreed and Honor offered to drop off the papers to their office. I asked her to explain to them what I wanted, and what they thought would be the best options for me legally.

* * *

After Honor and my father left, I tried to go about my day as best as I could. I often got distracted with thought of Landon and Rory, my mind drifting to how our reunion would go. Of course in my fantasy I wished that all will go well and everything will be forgotten. Landon would ecstatic to meet me, Rory will love me again and we'd be a family. What? I said it was in my fantasy. I know it probably wouldn't happen like that, but fuck it if didn't hope it would.

* * *

Later on that night, Colin, Josh, my father and I sat around my dining room table and discussed some strategy plans.

Huh, it's nice in here. I think this was the first time I've ever actually used this table.

After much debate, we all came to an agreement that the best course was to choose a lawyer from within McCrae Associates. I was extremely reluctant to entrust anyone else besides my best friend or brother-in-law. This was my chance and I didn't want some asshole fucking it up for me. But I guess I can see that they might make it worse since they both didn't know the ins and outs of family laws. But they promised they will still oversee the case, so that made me agree to use someone else as a co-counsel.  
Another thing was I wanted to keep everything under wraps the last thing I wanted was to draw attention to Landon or Rory. We needed to choose someone who knew their shit, and would be able to keep their mouth shut.  
The real kicker was they needed to know English family laws. The papers were filed in London, so we would have to fight the case there.

"How did they get a judge to agree to terminating someone's rights like this, shouldn't the father have at least been notified?" My father asked.

"Well technically he was notified." Josh answered, his eyes cutting to me. "Um, the papers state he was notified and you choose to not be a part of the pregnancy, the birth and subsequently the child's life. They were filed six months after he was born and since you made no contact it was considered abandon-"

"I didn't know she kept him!" I shout, slamming my hand onto the table. I cringed at my words and hung my head in shame. "Fuck. I know it was dick move. And I will regret it forever. But I didn't know, okay. I tried...I tried to contact her. I mean I didn't know about the baby but I did try, I wanted Rory, I loved...love her, but then she disappeared. And I looked for her. I would have wanted the baby, I want him now." I say my voice sounded frantic even to myself.

"We know Crackle," my father says lowly placing his hand on my shoulder "and we'll do everything we can to bring your family together. Right?" He says turning his attention to Josh and Colin. Both with wide open mouths and eyes. Yeah, it was definitely shocking to hear my father so soft spoken. It still made me do a double take and make sure it really was him and not some pod-person.

"Ahem, yes of course." Josh spoke up first. "Honor would kill me if I didn't get Rory and Landon back to us."

"Yeah, Steph too. First thing tomorrow I'm going to have my assistant pull files of the associates that fit our criteria. We'll interview them and do background checks. I think we need to tread lightly with this. Reporter girl is easily spooked and we don't want that. We've seen how good she is at disappearing and hiding."

"Yeah, yeah. Definitely need to tread lightly, definitely. Do you think I should reach out to her first? I just...I just don't want her to think I'm trying to take him away. I'm not trying to do that. I want them both." I reiterated.

"I honestly don't know, Logan. I want to say yes, go talk to Ror and hope you can make her see reason and that you want to be a part of their lives. But I just don't know. I don't want to fuck it up. I feel like we should get all of our ducks in a row before we take any actions. This can't be rushed Logan. We have to do it right. And I can't in good faith give you any advice without knowing for sure where you would stand legally."

I simply nodded, because I knew it was true. I needed to make sure I did this shit right. Anything we did could make or break it. I'd rather us take our time and get it right then swoop in like savages and fuck shit up. I'd wait. I've waited five years...what's a couple more days. Because what was most important was the end result and that was getting what was mine. My son and my Ace. My family.

* * *

**AN:** Thank you for reading, I'm back I swear. I have not abandon this and will not...I will see it to the end.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Gilmore Girls

* * *

No one took notice of me as I made my way around the floor. So much for office security.

Everyone was either on the phone or engrossed in their work, too busy to pay attenftion.

For almost five years of avoiding the States like a venereal disease, here I am back for a second time in a weeks' time. Bollocks I tell you. But I was here for a purpose.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where Logan Huntzberger's office is?"

I stop at a man who was looking down fully engrossed in what sounded like an exciting round of Angry Birds. He jumps at the sound of my voice. Ugh, he should have been at least paying attention to his surrounding if he was going to slack off.

I roll my eyes at him but repeat my question.

I figured asking a man would be less of a fuss than asking a woman. _What?_ Men would probably just assume I was just another one of his whores and give up the information without playing a game of twenty questions.

"Hm, Hm, the back corner office to the right." He says pointing in the direction I assume is Logan's office.

"Need an escort?" He asks.

I shake my head no, say my thanks and go on my way.

I'm here for Landon.

He wants to know his father. Every kid should have the chance to know their father.

I repeat the mantra I've adopted to get me through this.

oOo

"Ms. Hayden," the intercom buzzed as Lacey's voice crackled through. I stopped my perusal of the documents on the screen. Ms. Hayden? What the-? "There is a Landon Hayden here to see you." She buzzes again, with an assumed tone. What is Nugget up to now? "Please send him in, Lacey." I save my changes and turn my attention to the opening door. In walk Lacey with my four year old following behind her. I bite my lip to keep in my laughter. I guess he was here for business. Dressed in a black blazer, a white t-shirt, black slacks and white Nike trainers holding the little leather monogrammed briefcase his uncle Rob gave him, my baby walks up to my desk with his hand extended. "Nice to meet you Ma'am, my name is Landon Hayden, Yale Daily News." I bit my lip harder and looked up at Lacey quirking my eyebrow, what the hell is he doing? I silently ask. She just shrugs her shoulders, shake her head and close the door behind her. I could hear her burst of laughter through the door.

I looked down to the annoyed look of my baby boy, his hand still extended waiting to shake my hand. Okay I guess I'll play along. "Nice to meet you as well Mr. Hayden, please have a seat." I motion towards the chairs in front of desk for him to take a seat in. I watch warily as he climbs on to one of the chairs, I have to fight the urge to help him. I know he'll scold me and proclaim that he's a big boy and he can do it himself.

After we get settled in our respective seats he takes out a folder, a notepad and what I know is his voice recording pen, from his briefcase. Ah, of course. The reporter gene does run strong in his veins.

Oh my god, this is too much. I'm shaking from trying to keep in my giggles, he is too cute but I have to be serious. He looks so serious and so cute.

"Can I tape you?" He asks waving the device in my direction. I nod my head yes, and fight the urge to correct him. I know I'll crack up laughing if I open my mouth to speak. "Hm, so" he says after he starts the device to record our conversation. "I report news in the Yale Daily News, I want to interview you on the article I'm writing."

"You're a little young to be attending Yale, no?"

"I'm smart for my age." He says puffing out his chest and flashing me a sly smile. My smile grows impossibly wider.

"That you are, nugget. So what's the article on? How can I help?" I ask, folding my hands on my desk and leaning forward in my seat.

"It's on a man."

"Who? Your Great-pop? Pop-pop? Uncle Rob? Uncle Anth-?"

"No, no" he interrupts, he takes a deep breath and pulls out a cut out of the newspaper from his folder, and he turns it face down so I can't see what it is. "it about a man I see at Auntie Liv's show." My smile drops immediately. He isn't talking about..., right? No, just no!

Calm down, maybe he's talking about someone else. "It's a man I've seen before. Well kinda. He's in pictures. From your box. In your closet." His voice goes so low in the end, I wonder if I misheard him, by I know I didn't. I lean back, close my eyes and take a deep breath. My inquisitive, observant, nosey little nugget. Bloody hell. I should have hid that box better. "I saw him in the paper the other day." I open my eyes, Landon is now holding the article towards me. I've looked at it enough times to know it's the Times feature of the dinner the other night. It was a picture of Logan with the Mayor of New York. Shit. "I asked Uncle Rob and he said it was an article on the party. Your party." I've always dreaded this day. The day he'd ask me about him. Fuck, I thought it wouldn't be for another couple of years. Maybe when he was twenty. Fuck. What was I suppose to say? What do I say? A feel a tear slip down my cheek. "Mummy?" I direct my eyes to look at my baby boy, my love. He's eyes red-rimmed and glassy. I shot up from my chair and grab a hold of him. Pulling him into my arms, turning around and taking the seat with him on my lap. He takes several deep breaths to calm himself down. He's so strong. Stronger than me. "He looks like me." He says.

"I know. You are him. Just smaller." I respond, trying to make light of the situation. I know he knows, he's connected the dots, there's no use denying it. He puts his head on my shoulder and whispers in my ear. "Does he not like me?" My heart clenches at his little voice full of hurt and confusion. "No baby that's not it, it's just- it's just that he doesn't know you. And that's my fault."

_No it's not._ My inner voice pipes in. _Okay, maybe not fully but I had a part in it. _

"I'm so sorry baby, so sorry." I choke back a sob and start to rock us back and forth. Rocking away my tears and anxiety. He doesn't say or ask anything more, he just tightens his arms around my neck. I'm so grateful because I'm at a loss.

Do I lie? Do I tell him the truth? What is even the truth anymore? Does he want to know him now? Does he want him? Us? Me?

We sit and I rock us for minutes, hours. I don't really know for how long, but after a while I feel Landon go slack in my lap and his even breathing on my neck. My baby boy, my nugget. I need to fix this. I can't have my baby hurting. Wondering. He needs to know. He has a right know. I want to know. _It's not about you Leigh._

Resolved in knowing what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. I gather our things with Landon's arms and legs wrapped around my body. A hard feat in 4-inch heels and a pencil skirt but I've had practice.

I walk out of my office, my sunglasses in place to keep everyone from seeing my red eyes. Lacey and Lucy immediately stop their chatter, their eyes snapping in our direction. I couldn't fool them, they knew something was up. I take a deep breath and steel my resolved. _Time_ _to put on those big-girl panties Leigh_, "Thanks for picking him up Luc."

"Yeah, no problem. Is everything okay?"

"No. But it will be. Lac, can you call Sam get the plane ready. We're going to go to Hartford. Have a driver ready and give them the address to my parents. I'll call them from the plane and let them know we're coming."

Lacey and Lucy just stare at me with their eyes wide and mouths opening and closing. I give them what I hope is a reassuring smile. "Yeah, I know. I'm going to the States."

"You're going to the States?" A deep baritone questions from behind me. "Yeah Ant, he knows." I say, turning around to face him tilting my head to the sleeping form I'm carrying. Masen doesn't need me to elaborate. He nods his head and gives me a small smile. "It's about bloody time, Leigh. Call me if you need anything. I'll handle everything here. And I'm sure your dad and Rob can handle everything else." He comes closer and places a kiss on my and Landon's foreheads. Wrapping one of his beefy arms around us. I lean into him. Always my rock.

"Thank you Ant." I whisper so soft only he can hear. "For everything."

"No need, love. That's what we do." He gives us one more squeeze and pushes us lightly in the direction of the door. "Go. Be strong. Whatever happens. Whatever he says, we'll all be here for you both. But I'm sure it will all work out for the best."

"I'll take care of everything and rearrange your schedule for tomorrow." Lacey says as I walk up to her to say my goodbye. "No, no. I'll work from Hayden Enterprise tomorrow. I'll go to the board meeting too. I'm going to need the distraction till I get it done."

"I can come with?" Lucy offers. She has been such a wonderful friend through the years even with the Marty thing, we were able to move past it and be so close. "Nah, thanks though. You have the show. Thank you for being there for us." I say pulling her into a one armed hug, a little awkward with a four year old between us but we made it work. I'm so grateful for all of their love and support. "Okay, okay go. You're going to make me cry." She says pulling out of our embrace and giving Landon a kiss on the cheek. "Alright, we're off" I walk backwards towards the door "I'll talk to all soon. Thank you again and again. We love you."

oOo

"OH ME , how does he still look like a lesbian." I was brought out of my thoughts by the outburst and raucous laughter. I couldn't help but chuckle at his words, mom and I had a similar conversation earlier today. She was still obsessed with celebrities and celebrity blog sites were her go-to source for information. Dlisted was one her favorites, she frequently sent me emails to links. Michael K was bloody hysterical.

"Hm, excuse me. Is Logan Huntzberger available?" I ask loudly, through their laughter. If this conversation was going to be anything like the one I had earlier, this would take a while. And I could only take so much of Bieber talk in one day. It was bad enough I had to listen to it. Two sets of eyes snap in my direction away from the computer screen. I could feel their eyes scanning my body sizing me up. Seriously? Was this necessary. "He's on a conference call and after that he has a dinner engagement. And honestly unfortunately sweetie" he pauses giving me another once over, "I don't think he will be interested in anything your selling. Though it is a shame he could use a little tension relief." He giggles and gives his companion a little high-five. Ew, no thanks. _Stop lying to yourself, you can use it too! _Ugh, stop.

"Well let's have Logan be the judge of whether he'd be interested." Shite. "In seeing me that is." I corrected quickly. "Can you please just let him know Loreali Hayden, I mean Loreali Gilmore, I mean Rory Gilmore, is here?" I stammer.

"Huh? Wait. What? Which name?" He asks, clearly confused. I take a deep breath to will away my anxieties. "Either, he'll know. I'll just wait over there." I say pointing to sofas against the wall. "I'm not going anywhere till I speak to him, you can let him know that too." I walk, well really I tried to strut away confidently or at least I hope that's what it looked like, and made my way to the sofas. Be strong Leigh, you can do this. Logan's assistant looks to me then his friend and rolls his eyes turning to the computer and typing what I assume was a message to Logan to let him know I was here.

Deep breaths.

A loud commotion draws our attention to the doors of Logan's office. Seconds later the door is swung quickly open, banging against the wall.

There in the doorway was Logan. Tie loosen, sleeves rolled up and his hair perfectly styled to its imperfect perfection. Bloody hell, he looks so good.

Our eyes lock and faster than I thought humanly possibly he was in front of me.

* * *

**AN**: Happy New Year! All the best for 2011!

"Angry Birds", is a fun and addictive game available on iphone, ipads and I think Andriods. What's more fun than a game where you slingshot birds at things?

"Michael K", is a celebrity gossip blogger and can be found at dlisted(dot)com, he's hysterical I heart his blog!

I'm not British, I'm sorry if I butchered the lingo, I tried.

Thank, thank you to everyone who puts this on their favorites, story alerts and reviews.

For the peeps who reviewed, sorry I haven't responded, I totally squealed when I got the email alert and def read it...so thank you.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Gilmore Girls

* * *

"I don't understand. I thought our contracts were locked, regardless of the fact that they were acqu-" I stopped mid-sentence.

The flashing Instant Message from Patrick caught my attention. _There's a chick here...Loreali Hayden? Gilmore? Rory? Ring any bells? Psycho-stalker? Should I call security?_

_Holy Shit! She's here, outside my office._ Then it hit me...my body hummed, I could feel her. Before I could second guess myself, I was in motion. I think I even knocked my chair over. But I didn't care. I grabbed the handle of the door and swung it open wildly. She jumped from the sound. I paused to take her in, what I could see of her. Her face was as beautiful as ever. I rushed towards her, ready to scoop her into my arms.

_Fuck._

I stopped abruptly. I was definitely closer than was socially acceptable, but whatever.

_She probably won't appreciate you wrapping her up in a bear hug and never letting go._

We locked eyes and just stared_._

_She's really here. Why is she here? Wait? Where is Landon? Is he okay?_

I frantically looked around, like she had him hidden behind the wall.

"Is Landon okay? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

A small smile spread across her face. She slowly nodded and stood, "Yeah, yeah. He's okay."

I felt my body immediately relax at her words. But then tensed again as a frown took over her features and she tilted her head and then pointed towards her ear.

_Huh?_

I tilted my head in confusion.

"You're on a call," she mouthed.

_Huh? What?_

Then I suddenly noticed frantic voices calling my name in my ear.

_What the hell? Oh, shit I'm still on the call!_

"Oh, oh shit. Excuse me, um we're going to have to reschedule. Emergency. I have to go. Thank you. Bye." I didn't wait for a reply and just ended the call.

"You didn't have to do that, I would have waited." She said in a soft whisper.

"No it's okay. I'll deal with it later. Why are you here? Where's Landon?"

The smile came back to her face as she responded.

"He's alright. But I was hoping to have this conversation with you, ahem, in private, without an audience." She said, jutting her chin, pointing to something behind me. I looked over my shoulder and for the first time remembered that Patrick and Amy were still here.

_Ooohh._

"Oh, oh, of course. Hm, let me just get my things." I said as I turned my attention back to her.

"Oh no, no. We don't have to leave. It will be quick, no worries."

I grimaced at her words_. Oh. She's not staying? She's leaving already?_

_What the fuck did you expect? Don't be a beggar...this is better than nothing._

_Ugh, okay okay I'll take what I can get...for now._

My shoulders sagged in disappointment and I nodded my head towards the door to my office. "Hm, okay let's go talk in here then."

She nodded her head, turned around, and started to gather her things. I couldn't help but stare and appreciate the way she filled out her grey wool pencil skirt and the sway of her hips as she made her way toward my office with me following slowly behind her. A throat clearing broke me out of my ogling and I snapped my eyes towards Patrick.

_Fuck. I keep forgetting he's here. _

"Ahem, you guys should go. It's late. Have a good weekend. See you on Monday." I instructed. I didn't wait for a reply from them either. I had more important things to do than be polite_. I'll apologize later._

oOo

"So, Landon asked about you. He figured out who you are and what you are too him_." Alrighty then, okay I guess we were getting right to it. _

I had just barely closed the door.

She continued, "He saw your box…your boyfriend box. And after seeing you at Liv's show, then the article, he put everything together. He's really smart. Sometimes too smart. And apparently nosey too. He'd make a great reporter. He asked if you didn't like him. I didn't know what to say. So I just said you didn't know him, which technically isn't lying. Cause you don't. But do you want to? He wants to know."

"I want to know him." I interjected, but she didn't hear me since she continued talking.

"I know what you said before, and with everything tha-," she cut her self off and huffed. I opened my mouth to speak but she continued, "but I always said if he wanted to know who you were, I'd give him the chance to reach out to you. But I didn't think it would happen for another twenty years and since he obviously can't come here on his own, I had to ask for him. Trust me, this is the las-."

"I want to know him." I interjected again, louder, more firmly, so she'd hear me over her rambling.

Her eyes grew wide and she let out a long breath, "Wow. Wow. Five words. Five. I ne- I never thought I'd hear. I mean I hoped. I hoped. For Landon. Of course. But wow. Hm, okay, I need to sit down."

She looked so overwhelmed and confused, my heart clenched for her.

"Come on, have a seat. I'll get you a glass of water." I said, leading her by her arm toward the sofa. The feel of her arm under my fingers sent shockwaves throughout my body. I was elated to have her near me again.

_I want my family. I want my family._

I felt her shudder and hoped it was for the same reason and not that she was repulsed by my touch. I walked to my fridge to grab two bottles of water, but stopped short. Wait, was I seriously about to give Rory Gilmore a bottle of water? I was already messing up. No water. Coffee. I needed to find coffee.

"Hm, actually we have some coffee in the reception area, let me go get you a cup or four." I offered as I made my way toward the door.

"Um, thanks that would be really awesome. I could really use some." She said with a timid smile, a little bit more visibly relaxed now that there was promise of her elixir. "I'll come with you."

"Hm, no it's okay. Stay here, I'll be back in two seconds. "

She simply nodded her head, leaned back on the sofa, and closed her eyes, taking in deep breaths.

oOo

"Oh Amy, thank god your still here."

"Hm, sir. Yes. How may I help you?"

"Hm, I need coffee. Like stat."

"Oh, okay. What flavor?" She asked as she took keys out of her drawer and walked toward the closet.

"No, no flavor. Just plain coffee."

I watched as she revealed a closet with shelves filled with snacks, mugs, a small fridge and a Kuerig coffee maker_. _

_Aahh, one of the best inventions, ever._

"Oh! K-cups I love those! Best invention ever!" I heard from behind me.

I smiled wide at Rory's enthusiasm.

"I was thinking the exact same thing. Is there any blend you want specifically?"

I waved at the vast array of choices like a game show host and smiled brightly as she stepped closer to inspect our collection.

"Wow! Dallis Brothers?" She exclaimed, taking notice of the box with the blue label. "I haven't had any in years." She said quietly, casting her eyes down to the floor.

We discovered Dallis Brothers during a trip to New York and she immediately fell in love. She said it was the closest thing she could ever get to Luke's coffee. So naturally we bought it in bulk. I might have also bought a stake in the company. But I haven't had any personally in years. Whenever they sent me anything, I usually just gave it away...it hurt too much.

"Oh, sorry sir. Hm, I know you don't like that brand. But hm, hm Patrick and I like to keep a box here in the office. I'm sorry, sir." Amy immediately apologized. Poor girl looked like she was ready to cry_. _

_Fuck. I guess Patrick warned her about the shit fit I had when one of the other interns brewed a cup from a gift basket once and sent me into slight rage. It was slight. It was around Rory's birthday. I might have made the dude run away crying. Fuck._

"Ahem, It's alright, Amy. No harm, no foul." I said, trying to ease her fears. "Can you just please make us a couple of cups of whatever Rory wants, and bring it into my office."

"Of course, sir. Hm, what would you like Miss?"

"Oh, please call me Lei-, I mean Loreali. It's alright, I can do it. I have the same one at my office, but thank you." She said, grabbing a mug from the shelf, putting it under the spout to begin brewing the coffee. I watched as she stood preparing two cups to her specifications. I was surprised when she walked up to me, giving me one of the cups in her hands. I brought the cup to my nose. I couldn't help inhaling the familiar scent of the Dallis brew and Rory. It was the smell of home to me. I closed my eyes as an onslaught of memories came to the forefront of my mind. Memories of us at the loft, the Vineyard, London, Yale…just memories of us. I opened my eyes and met with the tear filled celestial blues eyes of my love. She took a ragged breath and blinked. The tears were gone. But I had seen them. They gave me a smidge of hope that maybe, just maybe, she was missing _US_ too.

oOo

Once again, Rory was the first to speak as soon as the doors were closed. We were seated at opposite sides of the coffee table, her on the couch, me on a chair across from her.

"Look, I want to apologize for how everything happened."

_Is she seriously apologizing to ME?_

I opened my mouth to cut her off and interject but she shook her head and kept going.

"I did what I did. There's no excuse for it. I know that. I should- I shouldn't have been so childish and just run away like that. I'm really sorry about that. I'm saying this now because I honestly don't want to rehash the past. Can we just leave it at that? What is most important to me is if you want to be a part of Landon's life? I assume since you guys have been trying to recruit McRae London branch's best family lawyer you were going to try to do something."

"How the fuck do you guys find out information like this?" I asked stunned.

_This is suppose to be proprietary information, what the fuck._

She just shook her head and chuckled quietly.

"It's all Mase, he's just connected like that. I really don't know how. I learned a long time ago to just accept the information."

"Fucking Masen, of course." I muttered under my breath.

But based on the quirked eyebrow, I could tell she'd still heard it_. _

_Shit._

"Ahem, look Ac- Rory, I'm sorry too." She opened her mouth to cut me off but it was my turn to shake my head and keep going.

"I get it. You don't want to talk about our past. But I think we will need to..." She opened her mouth to interrupt again "eventually, Ace. Eventually. Not tonight."

She nodded her head in acquiescence.

"Regardless, I want you to know that I want to be a part of both of your lives in whatever capacity you'll let me." I made sure I put emphasize the both part.

"Hhmm, well I need you to be sure Logan."

"I am sure."

"You need more than five seconds to be sure. This is a big deal, Logan. Every kid deserves to know their father, especially little boys. I know that. But I need you to be sure. Cause if you do it, you'd better be prepared to give him your all. None of that half ass bull. Or changing your mind. If you're going to be a part of his life, you need to be all in."

"I'm all in."

She sighed deeply. "Think about it more. Be sure Logan. You can't turn back."

"I'm sure."

"Sleep on it, at least. Please. Talk about it with your family. You lot need to talk about how this would effect you. Do they know?"

"We've talked about it. They know. They're all in too."

"Hmm...You talked about it with all of them? Not just Honor?" I chuckled at her bewildered expression. I'm sure she wasn't expecting that.

"Yes, all of us. My parents, my grandfather, Honor, Josh, Colin, Finn, Steph, and Rose. They are _all_ excited about having you _both_ in our lives. Honor can't wait to see you. She's chomping at the bit to see you both and have a cousin for Helen." Again, I made sure to emphasize the both part.

"Okay. Hm, just please, At least sleep on it."

"Ace, I've had a five years to think about it." She opened her mouth again, I was sure to object. "Okay, maybe officially a week or so. But over the past five years, I've thought of nothing but what it would have been like...to-to have a child with you." _Fuck._ My voice faltered due to pain, guilt, and regret. "And now that I know that it is possible. That it is true. I will do anything for us to be a family. I cou-could never apologize enough for saying that shit." She started to shake her head frantically and her face crunched up in pain. I made a move to get up so I could comfort her but she recoiled and sank deeper into the sofa. My heart broke at her pain and from the fact she didn't even want me near her.

"You said we-we wouldn't." She let out a shaky breath. I could instantly feel the distance and walls she was steeling around her_. _

_Crap, why did I have to go there._

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I won't. But I just want you to know I'm sure." My voice was strong and confident even though my emotions were warring inside.

"Don't. Not tonight, Logan. Please. Think about it some more, please." She begged.

Then it finally clicked. She needed this for herself. She needed the reassurance that I gave being a father some thought_. _

_I'll give her that. I'll give her tonight._

"Okay," I agreed softly.

With a nod and a deep breath I watched as she composed herself.

"Ahem, okay, well I won't keep you any longer," she reached for her purse and pulled out what appeared to be a lean, black scrapbook or portfolio. She took an audible breath.

"Um, my mom made me make two of these...in case you ever...you know. If you didn't, I would have just given it to Landon." She said as she slid the album across the coffee able.

I opened it slowly. My heart clenched and tears sprang to my eyes. The first page was a smaller version of the picture from the art show that I now realized was Rory. It was the silhouette of Rory's pregnant form in profile. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. The next page was a sonogram picture. It was Landon. Though I didn't think it was possible...my heart broke more. I thought again of all the things I had missed and would never get to experience with her…with him.

"Ahem, I..I put my card in the um back...um just call me when you're ready. We'll be here at least for the weekend." Her voice was low but filled with emotions I didn't want to place just yet.

I nodded but kept my head down. It took everything in me to not shout, 'I'm ready now!'. Or to break down. Or both.

"Ahem, where are you guys staying? In the city?"

"No, we're in Hartford with my parents."

I nodded again.

"Ahem, okay well good night." She said, as she gathered her things and got up.

I quickly reached for her coat and held it out for her so I could help her put it on. A familiar gesture, one I've done countless times before. I couldn't help but take in a deep breath of her_. Creepy! I know, I know. But fuck, she smells like home. I need it. I need it to fill me until I can be home. With my family._

I watched her shoulders rise as she took in a deep breath. She whispered a thanks so low it was hard for me to catch it. Then she stepped away from me.

I closed my eyes to the tears that threatened to spill. I couldn't watch her leave, it was too much.

"Tell Honor I said Happy Birthday."

I snapped my eyes open to see her standing by the door, looking at me over her shoulder with a slight smile on her beautiful face, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"She'll be happy to hear that. She misses you. We all- I miss you." I said the last part softly, my head down, but I knew she heard.

"Have a good night Logan. I'll speak to you soon."

The door clicked shut.

In. Out. Deep breaths.

I was going to make sure that soon would be very soon.

* * *

Thank, thank you reading and big thanks to everyone who puts this on their favorites, story alerts and reviews.

And HUGE thanks to Kitty J for being awesome, her grammar lessons, making this chapter readable and helping me find my past-tense, forreal. HUGS.

Kuerig single cup coffee makers...BEST INVENTION EVER...I can't boast enough about it. It is an essential in my life.

Dallis Bros. makes yummy yummy coffee but they don't make K-cups...yet (but I'm trying to convince them), but I figured if you were Logan Huntzberger they'd make it for you...

Till next time...


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